O haaaay readers of the most popular site ever (FuckThatBand.com). Did you have a nice Halloween? Did you get lots of candy? I did.

I went trick or treating over in Newport Beach, California and I ran into The Jakes. I was so disappointing in them. They were giving away... candy corn! WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT TO THE CHILDREN?!?!

Candy corn is the worst candy ever!!! Who the fuck in their right mind even likes candy corn? The shit seriously tastes just like candle wax. And don't get me wrong, candles from YANKEE CANDLE taste flippin' AWESOME but the candles that candy corn taste like... they taste like cheap ass candles from the dollar store. Fuck The Jakes for giving out shitty candy. Fuck dollar store candles. Fuck p00r peepz who shop @ da dollar store. Fuck The Jakes. Fuck the government (jk about the government thing, the government r00lz).

In other news, do you want to buy the latest release from The Jakes? Head on over to your local dollar store, I am positive you can get it from there. Buy one CD for a dollar and get TEN FREE!!!

UPDATE: I just got back from my local dollar store and the store owner actually PAID ME $20 TO TAKE A JAKES CD!!! CHA CHING!!!

EVEN MORE RECENT UPDATE: The Jakes have changed their name to Young the Giant. Just saying.