OMGZ guys do you know what I LOVE more than anything on earth, like even more than watching my dog lick his own balls? TRIVIA GAMES!!!! Let's do this. I'll start.

Question: What is LIGHTS hiding underneath her totally awesome hipster scarf/Canadian flag-turned headband/doo rag thingy ma-jigg?

A) Exposed brain

B) A big THUG LIFE tattoo across her forehead?

C) An electrical socket that her Nintendo controller plugs into.

D) Premature female pattern baldness.

Answer: None of the above!! It's actually not even a headband. She was born that way, duh! That pink thing is totally growing out of her head, like a flat goiter, and it's been there forever, ever since she was a baby. Freeeakazoid. God I can't believe you didn't know that.

Oi vay! I fuckin' hate that band/girl/project/mistake/whatever called Lights. She is so fuckin' AH-nnoying! This bitch straight up looks like an Austin Powers movie REJECT. I fuckin hate her style (but I do love her old navy shirt lololol).

Excuse me, may I please borrow your space laser gun? I would like to shoot myself in the fuckin' ears for listening to your terrible music.

Excuse me miss, why do you have that smirk on your face? Oh, I see. You are smirking because you enjoy the fact that people want to shoot their fuckin' ears with a space laser gun after they listen to your music. You are a heartless person.

But for real though, can I borrow that fuckin ugly hipster headband? My ears are bleeding uncontrollably right now and I think your headband could be used as a band-aid or something. I don't know, aren't you supposed to apply pressure to a wound that is bleeding? Fuck. Why did you make me shoot my ears. I am so0o0o0o0o0o mad at you!!! I hope I am better for PROM. Fuck.

Has anyone ever seen the CD cover from that band (chick) called Lights???? Is that April O'Neil from Ninja Turtles???!!!! Fuck man, that is awesome. How much Ninja Turtle dick do you think she gets? More importantly, do you think she ever hooked up with Splinter? Splinter is a total DILF. What about Shredder? Did she get with him??? Hmmmmm. Does Casey Jones really have a small dick??? These are questions that I need answered ASAP. I know that Lights knows. Tell me!!! I am going to go on a hunger strike until I find out the answers. No more pizza until I know the truth.

In other news, I would rather have unprotected sex with Bebop and Rocksteady than listen to Lights. Ya know what I mean? KOWABUNGA DUDE!!!!!!!

Shitty tour alert: I give you the Verizon Wireless College Tour 2008. The tour is going on from late September until middle October. What jerks are on the tour, you ask? Boys Like Girls, Cute is What We Aim For, and Lights. All three bands suck, but, ya know, ITS COLLEGE BRO!!!! DUDE COLLEGE IS KICK ASS, IM GONNA JOIN A FRAT!!! If you want to go to one of the shows to boo and heckle Boys Like Girls, check out their MySpace for all the dates. Also, when you see them, ask the sleeping idiot why he was sleeping during the photo shoot. Derrrrrrrrrr.