Yo, I gotta say, this dog is so much more cooler than The Maine. The dog has more style than that whole band put together. This dog could teach these dudes how to dress.

* Naked? Check!
* Pair of shades? Check!
* Hat? Check!

No one in The Maine is naked. FAIL.

No one in The Maine is wearing shades. FAIL. (but this one time, some dude from The Main did wear some shades, CLICK HERE to read)

No one in The Maine is wearing a hat. FAIL.

The Maine sucks. Anyways, less chat about The Maine and more chat about this dog. I wonder if this dog is in a band? I wonder if he is the singer? I would totally mosh hard to his shit. I bet he is straight edge. Straight edge is the coolest. Drinking is LAME!!!! lol

Sometime last year, bands/ Warped-Tour-lebrities/ pedophiles started putting their phone numbers up on Myspace so their fans could call them. This may have been started by Benjamin Hooligun, the dreadlocked hippie who runs a traveling yard sale during Warped Tour. It also may have been started by Audrey Kitching, the eating disordered hairstylist who is famous for having a sparkly Myspace profile. The origins of the public phone number are controversial and unknown, but it doesn't matter now, because every cool band who APPRECIATES THEIR FANS and WOULDN'T BE WHERE THEY ARE TODAY WITHOUT THEM makes their phone number public.

What Looks Like Crazy is one of these bands. Never mind their totally weird pic that makes each member of the band look like they were photographed in a different room at a different time and then Photoshopped together by a kindergartner (yay!). What Looks Like Crazy really understands my need to talk about what shitty backstabbing girl friends I have (thanks for not telling me I had period stains on my gym shorts, GUYS!!) and vent about my lame ass parents who ground me for every stupid thing like not putting my cereal bowl in the dishwasher (like are they fucking serious?!). What Looks Like Crazy really GET ME, I can tell by their lyrics and haircuts. I'm going to call them right now, I have so much to talk about.

::RING::

THE PERSON YOU CALLED IS UNAVAILABLE AT THIS TIME. TO LEAVE A MESSAGE PRESS TWO.

WTF?!?! Like are they fucking serious? I can't believe they didn't answer the phone! I NEED them right now! Aside from that... who the hell was that lady robot? No personalized message?!!

OH WAIT... they just sent me a text message. Hold plz.

"Thanks for joining! Call 757-301-0055 to send a msg or listen to Matt Washburn. For help reply HELP. Carrier charges may apply. Bla bla bla"

Um, I want Matt Washburn to listen to ME!!! And what the fuck did I just join? Is my mom going to find out? OMFUCKINGGOD I am going to get grounded AH-GAIN. THANKS ASSHOLES. WHAT LOOKS LIKE CRAZY ARE FUCKING SELL OUTS!! DON'T LISTEN TO THEM EVER!!!

P.S. These guys sound like The Maine. No they don't. Yes they do. No they don't. Yes they do. No they don't. Yes they do. No they don't. Yes they do. No they don't. Yes they do. No they don't. Yes they do. No they don't. Yes they do.

Yo, I fuckin hate The Maine and I fuckin hate the dude in The Maine who is trying TOO FUCKIN HARD to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger (Terminator 2 Judgment Day). How about instead of wasting hours trying to find the "perfect" pair of sunglasses from PacSun/ Target, you spend some time actually learning how to play your musical instrument correctly you talentless dweeb.

Dear Surge Soda,

Miss you so much. We haven't talked in years, figured I'd write you a letter to let you know how shit is going.

Ever since you left us, planet Earth has turned to hell, omgz global warming, all the ice is melting, da polar bears are crying hard as hellll. But that news is NOTHING compared to how bad da music "scene" has been since you bounced. We now have bands like The Maine, 3oh!3, Family Force 5, Hit The Lights, and A Rocket To The Moon. Lyke, gag me with a sp00000n. kjdskjfdskjdsj (that wuz me throwing up on my Macbeth shoez)

Are all these shitty bands around because the human race just gave up all hope since Surge Soda left us? Maybe global warming is happening because of all of the shitty music sound waves that are trapped within the earths atmosphere and stuffzzz.

I am scared for 2009. Will Obama save us from da music? Will Obama start a band? Will his self titled 7inch go for 500 euro on ebay? Will his vinyl be limited edition hand numbered from 1 to 69. LOL at 69, obama is so funny for picking the number 69. Obama, you go boy!

In closing, Surge Soda, please get at Obama (send him a TXT message or some shit) and ask him to bring you back, this world needs you and your citrus explosion of flavor. Jus sayin'

Sincerely,
FuckThatBand.com Staff

Holy shit, The Maine is on the cover of the latest issue of Substream Music Press. Here is the really funny thing about it, on the cover of the magazine you can see that there is a contest: "WIN A SIGNED SJC SNARE DRUM FROM THE MAINE."

Hahahahahahaha! Oh I love those jokesters over at Substream Music Press. They are the best at April Fools Day jokes!

Wait, today isn't April Fools Day? Oh shit!

Why the fuck would anyone in their right mind give a shit about a signed snare drum from The Maine? What a shitty prize.

"Dude, don't hate on The Maine, you are an asshole, their music is the w00t man!"

Their music is the woot? Yea, their music is about as cool as those fuckin' lame as hell Strong Bad emails cartoons. You know what I mean? LOLZZZZ

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Tempe, Arizona's very own The Maine! The band has got some killer tunes... and by killer I mean the tunes turn me into a killer. I want to kill my iPod for even letting me add those mp3s onto it. Then I want to kill my ear buds for even letting that garbage travel through its wires. Then I want to just kill myself after hearing the tunes.

But wait, there is good news; the one dude in the band totally looks like a cross between Smokey the Bear and that one dude from Dumb and Dumber. Not Jim Carrey, the other dude, what is his name? Oh yeah, Jeff Daniels. So yeah, The Maine is hitting the road pretty soon with The Academy Is and then with All Time Low so if you go to one of their shows and you see the Smokey the Bear looking guy, totally give him a high five because he looks like he knows how to party. As for the other guys in the band, stay away from them, I don't trust them. Only trust the Smokey the Bear/Dumb and Dumber guy. Cool? Cool. K thnx bye.