OMGZ guys do you know what I LOVE more than anything on earth, like even more than watching my dog lick his own balls? TRIVIA GAMES!!!! Let's do this. I'll start.

Question: What is LIGHTS hiding underneath her totally awesome hipster scarf/Canadian flag-turned headband/doo rag thingy ma-jigg?

A) Exposed brain

B) A big THUG LIFE tattoo across her forehead?

C) An electrical socket that her Nintendo controller plugs into.

D) Premature female pattern baldness.

Answer: None of the above!! It's actually not even a headband. She was born that way, duh! That pink thing is totally growing out of her head, like a flat goiter, and it's been there forever, ever since she was a baby. Freeeakazoid. God I can't believe you didn't know that.

Man, this CD cover blows. Rumor has it that the singer of Say Anything (Max Bemis) is going to start dressing like a superhero. Max really knows the music industry so he obviously realizes how "FUCKIN' KEWL" The Aquabats are so in an effort to become more "FUCKIN' KEWL," Maxy Bemis is going SUPERHERO! He is going to wear tights and act even MORE corny than The Aquabats (is that even possible???).

In other news, Say Anything sucks. Would rather have "rat poison for dinner" than listen to their shit.

In other other news, The Aquabats suck. Would rather give my dick paper cuts with a comic book than listen to their fruity ass music.

Just sayin'

YOU: Hey, WTF? This post wasn't even funny!

US: U sure?

I fuckin hate Funyuns so much. That snack tastes like pure shit and it makes your breath smell like ass for over 48 hours! It doesn't matter how many times you brush your teeth, it doesn't matter how many mentos/ roofies/ starbursts you put in your mouth, YOUR BREATH STILL WILL SMELL LIKE SHIT.

"Dude, chill out! Funyuns are the TITS d00d!

The tits? Nah man, Funyuns are not the tits. Funyuns are about as "radical" as that Saves The Day CD called "Through Being Cool."

"Dude, chill out! Holly Hox, Forget Me Nots is the best song ever!"

No dude, "Through Being Cool" is the WORST cd Drive Thru Records has EVER PUT OUT (love you Richie and Stephie)!!! Here is a list of things that I would rather do than listen to Saves The Day's "Through Being Cool."

- Drink AXE body wash
- Watch Grey's Anatomy
- Spray AXE Body Deodorant Spay in my eyes
- Watch WALL-E
- Take a shower with my grandma
- Sprinkle my grandpa's ashes on french fries and feed them to my pot smoking friends who have "da munchies"
- Read the Bible
- Listen to Two Tongues
- Learn to tap dance (insert Tilly and the Wall LOLZ here)
- And last but not least, I would rather eat Funyuns!!!

P.S. In other news, I am thinking about going to University of Phoenix next semester... yay or nay???

Oi vay! I fuckin' hate that band/girl/project/mistake/whatever called Lights. She is so fuckin' AH-nnoying! This bitch straight up looks like an Austin Powers movie REJECT. I fuckin hate her style (but I do love her old navy shirt lololol).

Excuse me, may I please borrow your space laser gun? I would like to shoot myself in the fuckin' ears for listening to your terrible music.

Excuse me miss, why do you have that smirk on your face? Oh, I see. You are smirking because you enjoy the fact that people want to shoot their fuckin' ears with a space laser gun after they listen to your music. You are a heartless person.

But for real though, can I borrow that fuckin ugly hipster headband? My ears are bleeding uncontrollably right now and I think your headband could be used as a band-aid or something. I don't know, aren't you supposed to apply pressure to a wound that is bleeding? Fuck. Why did you make me shoot my ears. I am so0o0o0o0o0o mad at you!!! I hope I am better for PROM. Fuck.

Today is a new day. It is time for us to experiment. Want to listen to some new music? Sure! Music rocks! I love music more than my boyfriend!!!!! (shhhhhhh don't tell him I said that, I am kinda afraid he might go Chris Brown on me)

Ok before I listen to music, let me try these toothpicks all my friends are chatting about. Here I go, I am trying these brand new Bacon Flavored Toothpicks. Wait, Bacon Flavored Toothpicks? TOOTHPICK FAIL! These toothpicks straight up taste like a Frat Dudes throw up after he pounded some cheap b33r and ate a shit ton of Slim Jims.

(In other news, Bacon Flavored Toothpicks? insert cliche/generic 'cop/pig/bacon' joke here)

Ok, now that I have a terrible taste in my mouth, let me try to see if I can make my ears get a huge ear boner. It's time for me to listen to this band called Mansions. I stole this CD from my boyfriend (shhhhhhh don't tell him I stole his Mansions CD, I am kinda afraid he might go Chris Brown on me) But for realsies though, this Mansions album iz totalz MUSIC FAIL! FAILzorZzZz! This music sounds hideous (for lack of a better word).

The tunes kinda sound like a really shitty combination of Straylight Run, Brand New, and Jamison Parker. No thank you. Do not want. Would rather drink cheap booze/Slim Jim frat d00de throw up than listen to Mansions.

P.S. I know this post is long, but so iz mah clit. LOLZ. Don't H8.

This is a blog about The All-American Rejects. Are they still a band??? Oh... They are??? Ok... So.... Are The All American Rejects still cool? Should I get their new album? Will you like me more if I did? Will I have more followers on Twitter if I twittered about "da rejects" and shit?? Twitter is so0o0o fuckin hawt right now man. Should I be "that guy" and twitter all about how i think their NEW SHIT is so weak when compared to their OLD SHIT? What should I do?

I am a senior in high school right now. I like being a senior in high school. I like throwing freshman into toilets. Anywayssss, this year when I am signing all of my friend's year books, I am not even going to write my name/celly number, I am just going to write out meaningful poetry that I wrote. Here is a sample of some of my shit...

I'll keep you my dirty little secret
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
My dirty little secret
Who has to know?

Do you like my poetry? Should I start a poetry zine? Will you buy my poetry zine? Should I start a poetry page on Tumblr page? Will you reblog my poetry??? Should I? Fuck. I am so confused. I just want to be famesies. Not internet famesies though, just poetry famesies. Is there a poetry facebook group that you know of that I can join???? PLZ email me and let me know. I am dying.

Also, let me know if there is an All American Rejects Fan facebook group I can join. I need to keep up to date with all things AAR.

PS I know this post isn't funny, it wasn't meant to be. This is real life. Real life isn't supposed to be funny AND IF YOU LAUGH AT REAL LIFE THEN YOU'RE A DICK HEAD. U R ALL SUCH N00BZ. FUGG OFF.

Ok, gotta go now, mtv true life marathon is on. I love laughing at all those people on that show. UR 2 NERDY 2 PLAY FOOTBALL LOLZZZ UR 2 UGLY 2 BE A CHEERLEADER LOLZ.

Max Bemis (Say Anything, Two Tongues) looks like a sloth.

Yes or No?

I am going to go with YES.

In other news, have you seen THIS ultra rare home video footage of Max Bemis as a baby boy? I think Max was like, 2 years old in this video, or some shit. Pretty cool stuff. Great footage. You're welcome.

This one dude from Jet Lag Gemini looks just like Meatwad from the Aqua Teen Hunger Force cartoon on Adult Swim. I am so mad, I wish I looked like Meatwad!!!!!! I am soe jeal. H8 u Jet Lag. So0o0o0o0o0o much.

P.S. Please stop making shitty music. K thanx bye xoxox.

Has anyone ever seen the CD cover from that band (chick) called Lights???? Is that April O'Neil from Ninja Turtles???!!!! Fuck man, that is awesome. How much Ninja Turtle dick do you think she gets? More importantly, do you think she ever hooked up with Splinter? Splinter is a total DILF. What about Shredder? Did she get with him??? Hmmmmm. Does Casey Jones really have a small dick??? These are questions that I need answered ASAP. I know that Lights knows. Tell me!!! I am going to go on a hunger strike until I find out the answers. No more pizza until I know the truth.

In other news, I would rather have unprotected sex with Bebop and Rocksteady than listen to Lights. Ya know what I mean? KOWABUNGA DUDE!!!!!!!

Here is some news about Say Anything and Saves the Day. Are you ready? Zzzzzzzz zzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzz. Oops, did I just fall asleep? How embarrassing! Ok now back to the news about Say Anything and Saves the Day (two of the most boring bands in the universe); Max Bemis of Say Anything and Chris Conley of Saves the Day started a new band. The shit fest is called Two Tongues and the music is no better than the terrible band name. They just announced that on February 3, 2009, they will release their self-titled debut.

Right now 14 year old girls are going bat shit and searching endlessly on the internet to try to find Two Tongues merch. Come on, there has to be a fuckin Two Tongues tote bag on sale SOMEWHERE!!!!!!!!

In closing, why does one shitty musician feel the need to unite with another shitty musician? Do they think two wrongs will make a right? Fucking ridiculous. Obama better fuckin stop this band ASAP or the United States will be doomed.

Doghouse Records (who?) has signed The Bigger Lights (who?) a few weeks back. Congratulations to all idiots involved in this decision. But seriously though, the one dude from this band looks like that one dude (Christian Siriano) from Project Runway who coined the catchphrase "That's fierce!" In closing, The Bigger Lights, far from fierce. Ya feel me?

A letter to the shark that lives in that water: I am so mad at you. Why didn’t you try and bit that row boat? Don’t you know who those guys are? Those are the All American Rejects! They probably would have tasted really good. It would have been a win/win situation, you would have had a great meal and the rest of the world wouldn’t have to hear another new AAR record. Geez.

Shitty tour alert: I give you the Verizon Wireless College Tour 2008. The tour is going on from late September until middle October. What jerks are on the tour, you ask? Boys Like Girls, Cute is What We Aim For, and Lights. All three bands suck, but, ya know, ITS COLLEGE BRO!!!! DUDE COLLEGE IS KICK ASS, IM GONNA JOIN A FRAT!!! If you want to go to one of the shows to boo and heckle Boys Like Girls, check out their MySpace for all the dates. Also, when you see them, ask the sleeping idiot why he was sleeping during the photo shoot. Derrrrrrrrrr.