Do you get invited to parties every fucking night like I do? If the answer is yes, then you NEED to read this blog that I am writing. I wrote it JUST FOR YOU (you're welcome).

Chances are, the party you are going to is going to SUCK DICK so it will be your job to turn it into a KEWL PARTY that is worth blogging about.

Step 1: CLOTHING! Here is the deal, your cracka ass is gonna get tagged on facebook whether you like it or not. With that being said, you better be rockin some CHILL ASS THREADS! Here is what you need to wear. Roll up in a phat ass 3OH3 varsity jacket. When it gets too hot to rock the jacket, take that shit off and show off your Ed Hardy tee. Don't have an Ed Hardy tee? It is totally ok, a UFC shirt will do just fine.

Step 2: MUSIC! Have you ever heard of BYOB (bring your own b33r)? Well, whatever party you attend you need to remember BYOM (bring your own music). With that being said, the only music you should listen to is 3OH3 because those jams are original and fresh and funky and if you don't listen to them then you are totes LAME SAUCE!!! Bring your 3OH3 cd with you! So, as soon as you get to the party, march over to the dude with the biggest muscles and demand he plays your 3OH3 cd and then punch him in square the face. Don't worry about him trying to fight you after the punch, once he sees you in that 3OH3 varsity jacket... he will respect you and prob give you a French kiss or tug job or a high five at the very least!

Step 3: PICK UP LINES! You want to fuck a girl (or guy) tonight? Sure you do. All you need to do is walk up to a fat bitch and spit her some romantic poetry. Here is the best line to use:

"Shush girl shut your lips, do the Hellen Keller and talk with your hips."

She will most likely share her drugs with you (ecstasy) and ride your junk right in the middle of the dance floor. Sex on x? Mission accomplished, bro-seph!

In other news, I wanted to sincerely thank 3OH3 for their music. They are the best in the world. I hope they just keep getting bigger and bigger. I hope they go on tour with Bruce Springsteen or Bon Jovi (insert livin' on a prayer lolz).

In other OTHER news, who do you think is the best band in NJ HISTORY? Bruce Springsteen, Bon Jovi, The Years Gone By or The Mongoloids? Hmmm. That is a hard one. Get at us via Twitter (@fuckthatband) and fuckin' tell us!!!!

I was hanging out with my grandma in the funeral home last night (RIP) and I could have sworn she spoke to me. She told me that her last wish was for me to get into her favorite band called This is Hell.

I respected her so when I got home, I went on the iTunes and got me some This is Hell mp4 files. I listened and then I was all like: This... is... Hell...????? These d00dz think they know what Hell is? I've been to Hell, motherfuckers. And it is tight as shit yo (the complete opposite of the music This is Hell makes). Hell is awesome, you get to sip margaritas and watch the sunset while getting a handjob from a hot chick dressed in a Barney the Dinosaur costume. Then, when you pass out, instead of dreams, it's porno movies playing in your head. Then you wake up and get to jump from a trampoline into a huge ball pit all day.

Occasionally Lucifer comes around and asks you how you're doing, if you need anything, etc. He's a busy guy but he makes sure you have everything you need. Then he leaves and goes to do whatever it is He does, probably like arm wrestle Jesus and stuff. Then, you sit on the beach until you feel like swimming.

The ocean isn't any of that salt water shiiiit, it's purified Fuji water, you know, that expensive shit that comes in those square bottles. The water fountains in Hell serve Hawaiian Punch instead of water.

Midgets wash your body down when you're ready, so you don't need to shower, and midgets also brush your teeth for you too. The midgets are available 24/7! They cater to your every need (and yes, that could include sexual needs, but not many people opt for the Hell midgets to get their rocks off).

The midgets' skin alternates everyday of the week. Mondays, it's blue, like Smurfs. Tuesdays, it's green like aliens. Wednesday, it's clear, etc. etc. They provide endless entertainment for you because they love you. Hell rocks!

Occasionally, in Hell, they'll have big festivals (kinda like VANS WARPED TOUR lol) with raffles, free food (funnel cake man!!!!), door prizes, FREE PUNK RAWK BAND STICKERS, and other shit.

In closing, This is Hell (the band) sucks and the location of Hell rocks! Shame on This is Hell for having HELL in their band name!!! SHAME SHAME ON THEM!!! 666 yo!!! Holler at my ballz.

P.S. But fur-reelz though, CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT POLAR BEAR CLUB for a hot second?

Sup d00dz, we are a band called Breathe Carolina and a rainbow just jerked off all over us. Rainbow jizz rawks.

Rihanna/Chris Brown split 7 inch vinyl is coming out soon. Rumor has it that this record is going to be a HIT!!! Get it? A HIT!!! Get it, because both are amazingly talented recording artists so this record is obviously going to be a HIT!!!! Insert lolz.

Fuck, I wonder what label is going to put out this record? I am actually praying to god that Rise Records grabs this one. Rise Records really needs this release, BAD. They are longgggg overdue for a solid release, I mean, have you heard that shit band they have on their roster called Attack Attack??? Wow. Fuck man. Wow. That music is embarrassing. Attack Attack sucks.

I would rather have Chris Brown punch out all the teeth in my mouth than listen to Attack Attack. Seriously, I would rather have Chris Brown rip my teeth out, grind my teeth into a fine powder, and then he and I - we could snort my own teeth together and get HIGH AS HELL MAN. I would rather do all that than listen to Attack Attack, just saying.

P.S. Straight Edge For Life!

Once upon a time, there was a cat. Most "normal" cats love to just lay around the house all day long and drink warm milk/play with kitty toys/etc but not this cat. This cat was a special cat; he loved two things: 1. Blogging about music and 2. Playing with his Rubik's Cube.

One day, that cat blogged about how much he hated the band called Dance Gavin Dance. The cat wrote all about how they are the shittiest band on Earth, etc.

A fan of Dance Gavin Dance saw the blog post that the cat wrote and forwarded it to the band members. The band was a bunch of babies. They jumped on google maps and found out where the cat lived. Fueled by anger from the internet post they had read, they jumped into their tour van. They drove 15 hours to the cat's house. They broke down the cat's door. They punched the cat in the face and stole his Rubik's Cube!

Dance Gavin Dance are the biggest assholes in the history of punk rawk. How can you possibly listen to a band that punches innocent cats in their face and steals their Rubik's Cubes from them? Straight up assholes, H8 them so much. Fuck them 4e.

Green monsters seem to be everywhere in movies these days, Hulk, Yoda, that eyeball thing from Monsters Inc, my dick (insert dick lolz). But I forgot to mention one other green monster, Shrek! Not only is Shrek in a couple movies, the green cutie is also in the sick as hellz pop punk band called The Years Gone By! Radical bra!

Did you ever see Shrek? Shrek is a sick ass indie flick. If you love independent films like Napoleon Dynamite, Anchor Man, Saw 10, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, and all those James Bond movies, you will LOVE shrek. I saw Shrek at Sundance a few years back. The shit was radical. I love that one Smash Mouth song in the movie (I think its called All Star?). I cant wait for the next TYGB release, rumor has it that there will be a Smash Mouth cover on it. I hope it's that All Star song. "Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play!!! Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on get paid!!!!"

Those are some sick lyrics. Very posi. I am going to make those lyrics my away message on AIM. God, I hope The Years Gone By cover that song. If anyone from TYGB is reading this blog, email me and let me know if you hotties are covering that song on the next album. Thnx.

I am thinking about getting a new AIM name. Should I? Will you IM me? Here is a list of possible new screen names I came up with (plz don't steal my ideas u posers)...

DaNumbr12lookzlykeUsux4e
BangbrosFan2009
MuxTapeWuzNeverKewl
UnderoathSHLDbreakUPasap
Iwanttohavesexwithmymacbook
obamaMOSHhard69
BrangelinaBOY123
tumblrIZstupid
FearlessWreckordzFan666

After I pick out a phat ass new screen name, my next mission will be to choose a sick as fuck away message. Here is a list of possible new away messages I came up with (plz don't steal my ideas u posers)...

Away Message: "Tring to get a ride to see Years Gone By play tonight. My mom is being a bitch. Can anyone give me a ride?!?! God, H8 my mom so much. I wish I lived with my dad."

Away Message: "The moon is down, and heaven is waiting. –Further Seems Forever"

Away Message: "SHeeees a Laydeeeeeee and Ladiesssss shouldn't be messed with, Out with MA gurls. Don't wait up cuz we are out being slutttts hehehehehe rofl"

Away Message: "this aint a scene it’s a gawd damm armz race. -Unknown"

Away Message: "Are we human? Or are we dancer? -Ghandi"

What do you guys think? What should I do??? Email me and let me know. kk <3 u guyz so0o0o00o much, friends 4e.

Who the fuck is this band called Watchout Theres Ghosts? This band doesn't even have a Wikipedia page. My dead grandpa's left nut has a Wikipedia page. There's a Wikipedia page for everything. If you don't have a Wiki page, you aint shit. You cannot be in "the scene" unless you got a Wiki page!!!! U cant make out with da 17 year old ladiesssss unless you R on that Wiki yo! Didn't you guyz get the memo? Shit man. Come on. Check your emails more often. Less time making shitty music and more time checking emailzzzzzzzz. d0rK$

Anyways, this picture... nice TITZ braaaaa. Send MOAR n00dz plz!!! Also, throw me some dirty instant messages while you are at it. I had a shitty day at school. LETS CYBER!!! Let me take off ma pantz and slip into my wizard robe. Let me put on my wizard hat. Do you like it when I dress up as a wizard? Let me get my wizard want. Do you like this??? Hold on, my mom is in my room folding my laundry. Shit man. This is embarrassing. Listen, I gotta go, my mom said she needs to use "THE GOOGLE" to look up some info about "Menopause." I don't know that what is. Maybe it's a sick ass underground indie band I should know about?????? Maybe they have a Purevolume??? Maybe they will be huge next year??? I should get into them now before sellout. K ttyl bye.

If you mixed together slim shady, the Jonas Brothers, and kurt cobain I'm guessing this is prolly what you would get. Check out these chocolate syrup-covered idiots called Breathe Carolina. They sound like they look, shitty. I'm pretty sure I'd rather be watching that UBER radical teenage vampire thriller movie masterpiece (tee hee hee) called "twilight" than listening to their silly, silly musik. These dudes are signed to Rise Records. Oh Rise Records... U so0o0oo0o CRAY-ZEEE.

Ok, sorry to cut this short but I gotta go drink some blood now, that is what Breathe Carolina would want me to do... right???? But while I am out, can you totally try to get me the new Years Gone By mp3s off of da bit torrent or some shit? I hear that release is more even MORE gross than 2 girls 1 cup... I am curious to see if that is true. Is it? We shall see.

Bleeding Through is synonymous with the blending of classic wanna be death metal and wanna be black metal. They got a brand new album coming out at the end of September called Declaration. What will the new release sound like? This was taken directly from their MySpace:

"This is not a radio-friendly album. Declaration is heavier, darker, angrier, more pissed off, faster and more epic than anything in the band's already impressive catalog."

How do I think the new album will sound? I predict it sounds like a bunch of baby koala bears snuggling in the grass and chewing on fresh fruit. This garbage is gonna be straight up baby shit. Heavier, darker, angrier? More like softer, lighter, and cuter.

But for realz, the only way you are going to catch me buying the brand new Bleeding Through CD is if I get a free Harry and the Hendersons DVD with it. Ya know what I meanz?

Four Year Strong announced to the world via their sick as balls MySpace page that they will be embarking on a heading tour with I am the Avalanche and This is Hell. Oh god Four Year Strong... I'd rather eat cigarettes out of the New York City sewer than listen to Bida Bing Wit' A Pipe. Ten bucks says Michael Jordan would not approve.