In an effort to attract more "metalcore heads" and "dirty dudes" to FuckThatBand.com, we are going to make a post about the top 2 things that "metalcore dudes" enjoy the most:

1. The "sport" called WWE Wrestling
2. The "music" by Every Time I Die

Let's take a moment to blog about the cheesiest wrestler of all time, Jake the Motherfucking Snake Roberts. Jake would bring a live snake out to the ring. When you first saw that you were all like "OH SHIT MAN." And then you thought to yourself "THAT SNAKE IS GOING TO FUCKIN EAT PEOPLE" but once you realized that it never ate anyone, it got real boring, real fast.

Speaking of shit getting really boring really fast, let's talk about Every Time I Die. Put it this way, I would rather have Jake the Snake perform the DDT on me than listen to one second of Every Time I Die. BUT WAIT, THERZ MOAR... I would rather have Jake teh Snake stick his snake up my asshole if it meant I would never have to listen to Every Time I Die again. Just sayin'

In other news, have you heard that new CD by Every Time I Die called "New Junk Aesthetic" or whatever? That shit sounds like an even shittier version of CKY (or cKy or ckY or however you write it). CKY sucks, Bam Margera can suck ma dick. Whatever. zzzz.

For another wrestling related post, CLICK HERE.

Ok, gotta go now and check out LAMBGOAT.COM cuz that site knows about "good" music. LOL. Best site ever. LOL. LOL. LOL. LOL.

Why are there a million fuckin members in The Devil Wears Prada? Are these dudes a ska band or something? Let me listen to them... oh, ok, they are not a ska band, they are actually an American Christian metalcore band. Great.

(INSERT BREAKDOWN HERE)
JUD JUD Hi Ho!
JUD JUD Hi Ho!
WEEEEE WEEEEEEE
JUD JUD It's Off To Work We Go!!!!

Ok, wait, there are only 6 dwarfs in that picture. Shouldn't there be 7? We are missing the one named Happy! Who is Happy?

Who is Happy????

Oh wait... ME! I am HAPPY!!! Happy that these fuckers aren't releasing another album EVER. I'd rather be forced to change my 24-month-old cousin's diarrhea diapers all weekend while watching Snow White on a repeating loop than listen to ANYTHING by TDWP. Did you like how I did that? Compared real shit to shit music? I'm really good at metaphorical stuff like that. Fuck yes!

Ugggh wait a second, my bff (mom) just IMed me a link to TDWP's myspace page, and they apparently JUST CAME OUT WITH A NEW ALBUM!!!! Great, just great. Thanks for the nightmares you fucking assholes. You guyz ruined my life.

If you own a snuggie, you probably listen to Every Time I Die. Mosh hard!

Everyone keeps chatting about a hardcore band from the UK (where?). They are called Bring Me the Horizon. Should I be a proper gentleman and give them a listen? Or should I continue to watch Degrassi on TV?!?!?! Fuck. So many decisions in life! McDonalds or Burger King, Coke or Pepsi, midget porn or weird anime porn? Hmmmm. Ok, fine. You convinced me, I will give them a listen. Here I go.

The band is called Bring Me the Horizon, please change your name. How about BRING ME THE GOOD MUSIC? These dudes sound worse than Every Time I Die (is that possible?). Have you ever seen that WILL IT BLEND video on youtube where the people put an iPhone in a blender to see if it will get destroyed? Well, the noise the blender makes, that is what the band sounds like.

In other news, I cannot believe that Kermit the Frog would join this band. Jim Henson would NOT approve of this move.

Poison the Well has gone and pissed the whole world off when they recently announced that they will be heading into the studio this November to record their next full length, expected in May 2009 on Ferret Records (or Ferret Music, whatever those dorks call the label). Just when you thought that this band might FINALLY breakup, they go and record AGAIN! Thank you to team Ferret for being idiots and releasing trash yet again.

In other news, remember that one CD Poison the Well released back in the day, "The Opposite of December"? Yea, that shit was NOT THAT GOOD. Not that good at all. Kinda sounds like Pearl Jam and Creed if you ask me. OOOO BURN!!!!

The members of the not so talented but oh so creepy band Foxy Shazam seriously creep the hell out of me. I don't think they mean to look THIS creepy but I sometimes have scary nightmares about them and the nightmares are CREEPY AS HELL. Also, that Crayola Crayons poster behind them just adds to the extreme creepiness of them. Foxy Shazam - Cincinnati's Creepiest.