Valencia? More like Valencisuck! Did you like how I just incorporated the word SUCK into VALENCIA? I liked it. I rule. GO ME! GO ME! I am the queen of zing! ZING ZING. When I have my period, I leak ZING out of ma puss. Giggle?

Anyways, why are these Valencia boys hiding underneath a brown paper bag looking thing? This picture kinda reminds me of a popular prank that has to do with fire and poop...

Are you guys familiar with "the flaming bag of dog poop?" It is one of the most masterful strategies ever laid out in prank warfare. The prank works like this: put some dog shit into a basic brown paper bag, then put the bag on the porch of your arch nemesis, finally light the top of the bag on fire, ring the doorbell and RUN FORREST RUN!

If all went as planned the victim will see the flaming bag and be all like "ahhhhh fire yo omg!" followed by a quick stomping of the bag. With all factors included the person is about to have some very shitty shoes. The person will be all like "ahhhhhh man look at my brand new TOMS Shoes! I got shitz all over them. FML!" LOL.

If you want to pull this prank on someone but you don't have dog shit available to you, don't worry, a Valencia CD can be an equal substitute. Their music is audio dog shit and their their albums deserve to be throw into a flaming brown paper bag. Just sayin. U mad?

P.S. In other news, did you know that if you say JESUS backwards... it kinda sounds like SAUSAGE. Mmmmmm. Yumz. God bless.

Just in case you can't read the above comment from the Four Year Strong myspace page, here it is:

"You guys are the spinal chord of music today!!! <3!!"

Are you for realz? Let me be straight wit choo for just a second... if that band is the fuckin "spinal chord of music today" than I pray to GOD that he/she/it turns me into a huge ass JELLYFISH!!!

But seriously, I know what you are probably thinking: "Come on d00d!!! Have you heard that sick as hell 90's cover CD they just put out?!?!?!"

Yes I did and I got news for you, that Punk Goes 90s Fearless Records release was lame as hell and this Four Year Strong 90s cover CD is no exception. The 90s sucked. Period. Lets not try to relive that time. Pogs were lame. In Living Color was lame. Full House was lame. Are You Afraid of the Dark? was lame. Home Alone 1, 2, and 3, was lame.

OOOOOOO I just made it rain all over your FYS parade. My bad! Make sure you remember to purchase your limited edition Four Year Strong Rain Ponchos by clicking RIGHT HERE. Don't get caught in the LOL storm without LOL protection. Tell them FuckThatBand.com sent cha!

Every one hundred years or so, there comes a band that CHANGES EVERYTHING. Whether this band means to or not, they fuckin redefine the music industry/scene and PLANET EARTH (maybe even Pluto too). What band am I speaking about? The one, the only...

The Format!!!!!1!!

Before The Format, no one in the scene had smelly hair. If it wasn't for The Format, we would not have Bayside and their smell haired members making smelly music for other smelly haired kiddes. Thank you to The Format.

Before The Format, no one in the scene had a smelly beard. If it wasn't for The Format, we would not have Four Year Strong and their uber kewl beards! I mean, come on, beards R the future of PUNK RAWK. Go outside and take a walk to the "bad" part of town and start hanging out with that homeless dude outside of Burger King, the one with that radical beard; he just might start a PUNK RAWK BAND (BUM MOSH!!!!) and we have The Format to thank for that.

Before The Format, no one in the scene wore cardigan sweaters. If it wasn't for The Format, we would never have Kurt Cobain and his ska band called The Nirvanas (this just in, Nirvana signed to Drive Thru Records, read more about it HERE). Thank you to The Format.

And last but not least, before The Format, no one in the scene wore PHAT ASS PINK SHIRTS. The Format has been wearing kooky wacky pink shirts waaaaay before Cash Cash! If it wasn't for The Format, we would not have Cash Cash and that means that we would NEVER have a PARTY in our BEDROOMS... ever!!! Thank you to The Format, because of you guys, I have parties in my bedroom... all night long.

Dear Four Year Strong,

You guys got AWESOME BEARDS!!! I am only 13 years old... my facial hair growing ability is weak as hell!!! I envy "real" men who can grow killer beards. This is why I decided to give your band a listen/try. Ok here I go...

(two minutes later)

Four Year Strong? More like Four Year Yawn! You guys have disappointed and angered the BEARDED GODS that live on top of Mount Olympus. For most people, having a beard gives you, like, a million scene points, but this rule does not apply to you guys. In fact, each time Four Year Strong playz a show, they lose over a thousand scene points. So by my calculations, Four Year Strong is negative 500 million scene points. Yikes. U MAD?

But for real though, I got about 600 thousand scene points so far. (U JEALOUS?) I purchased about 300 thousand scene points last week on Half.com (kewlest site ever). I am saving up my scene points so I can grow a beard and be in a punk rawk band and move to Richmond, Virginia. Have you ever been to Richmond, Virginia? I heard scene points grow on trees ALL YEAR LONG over in Richmond. I can't wait until I have a beard of my very own!!!

In other beard/facial hair news: my "real" dad was supposed to teach me how to shave last week but he never came back from the movies with his girlfriend (aka my cousin). Ever since he has been gone, terrible things have been happening to me.

Here is a list of terrible things that have happened to me this week:

-I listened to the music of Four Year Strong.

-I lost my most fav book ever, Perks of Being a Wallflower.

-I found out that Walmart doesn't carry American Apparel clothing.

-My mom hit me with her belt.

-And last, but certainly not least, I can't find my Fast and the Furious DVD anywhere! Fuck! I love that movie! I love Vin Diesel so much. I would love to see Vin Diesel with a beard. I would love to see Vin Diesel join Four Year Strong. I think Vin Diesel would be a great lead singer/front man. What do you think? Do you guys think Vin would even join Four Year Strong? I don't know if he would because he is way more PUNK than them. What are your thoughts? Email me and let me know! Ok ttyl byeeee.

Love,
FuckThatBand.com

It is raining hard as hell outside, I just saw a dude wearing a rain poncho. When is the last time you saw a rain poncho??? The dude was listening to his iPod. I tapped him on the shoulder to ask him what he was listening to. I was curious to find out what a rain poncho wearing person listened to. He told me he was listening to the latest release from Four Year Strong. I was not surprised; it seemed like an appropriate fit for a totally nerdy and wet bro. Four Year Strong is for nerds man.

But for real though, when will Four Year Strong get rain poncho merch? Forget about your lame ass shitty designs printed on American Apparel zip up hoodies, get your shit silk screened on a rain poncho!!!! Rain ponchos are fuckin rad man, chicks like guyz in rain ponchos. Your D will get S'd if u rock a pancho. Holler at it. Rain ponchos, big as hell in 2k12 man.

If anyone from Four Year Strong is reading this post, please email me and let me know the status of your rain poncho merch ASAP.

Valencia has let the world know that if you are suckered into purchasing their brand new shitty album directly from FYE.com, they promise you that a member of the band will personally call you up. What the fuck is he going to say? Your guess is as good as mine. He will probably say "Hahaha, you purchased our CD, you are an idiot." Or maybe he will be like "Yo is your mom home? Cuz like, my mom disowned me after hearing our new release so now I am shopping around for a new mom and dad and stuff. Can I join your family?"

Four Year Strong announced to the world via their sick as balls MySpace page that they will be embarking on a heading tour with I am the Avalanche and This is Hell. Oh god Four Year Strong... I'd rather eat cigarettes out of the New York City sewer than listen to Bida Bing Wit' A Pipe. Ten bucks says Michael Jordan would not approve.