The music by Mayday Parade is just like Wendy's: shitty and overpriced, and undercooked, and the service is horrible, one time I ordered a Frosty, just a Frosty and it took 25 minutes. For a fucking Frosty! Fuck Mayday Parade, it was all their fault. I am sure THEY were behind that SOMEHOW. Jerks.

Another thing that pisses me off about Wendy's, oops, I mean Mayday Parade, oops I mean Wendy's, oops I mean Mayday Parade is those commercials they have where they go "It's Not Fast Food. It's Wendy’s." How is Wendy's not fast food? It's like the fucking definition of fast food. Telling me Wendy's is not fast food is like telling me that Mayday Parade makes "decent" music. NO FUCKIN WAY MAN!!! If you try to spoon feed me those lies, I am going to THROW UP ON YOU AND YOUR CHEAP MONDAY JEANS. Cheap monday jeans are for dorks.

Sent from my Amazon Kindle.

I mean...

Sent from my iPad.

Yo, I gotta say, this dog is so much more cooler than The Maine. The dog has more style than that whole band put together. This dog could teach these dudes how to dress.

* Naked? Check!
* Pair of shades? Check!
* Hat? Check!

No one in The Maine is naked. FAIL.

No one in The Maine is wearing shades. FAIL. (but this one time, some dude from The Main did wear some shades, CLICK HERE to read)

No one in The Maine is wearing a hat. FAIL.

The Maine sucks. Anyways, less chat about The Maine and more chat about this dog. I wonder if this dog is in a band? I wonder if he is the singer? I would totally mosh hard to his shit. I bet he is straight edge. Straight edge is the coolest. Drinking is LAME!!!! lol

Oh hello Artist Vs Poet. Raise your hands if your band sucks. Oh I see.

Thank you for your honesty. We here at FuckThatBand.com appreciate it.

For another delicious Artist Vs Poet blog post, click here.

Bye. Thanks for stopping byyyyyyy.

Good news. GREAT NEWS! I just got a slot as a "college radio DJ" at my community college. FUCKIN SWEET! Will you listen to my college radio show? I will be live and on air every other Tuesday morning from 4am to 6am. I think that is a great time slot. I think I will reach one million listeners (at the very least).

Oh, and GET THIS... my college radio station is also STREAMING ONLINE!!! Can you believe it? Now this means that people in third world countries (Denver, Germany, Texas, etc) can listen to my EPIC radio show!

Speaking of epic radio show, mine will be EPIC as FUCK. I know the key ingredient to make my radio show STAND OUT FROM THE CROWD. What is that ingredient, you ask?

KILLER TUNES!

Play killer tunes, and they will come. Oh, they will cum (get it?).

If the masses want killer tunes, I will give them killer tunes. My radio show will only be playing Blessthefall. I love that band so much. They r00L. They have a myspace design by Synapse! OMGZ!

Do you know what I love most about them, the fact that they write out their band name as ONE WORD!!! Why would you possibly write your band name as Bless the Fall when you could just write it out as Blessthefall??? That band is a true group of innovative thinkers.

Speaking of innovation, have you heard their cutting edge mosh-tacular songs? Those breakdowns make me want to hit my head with a hammer. Their music just moves me. It makes me want to wipe my ass with grip tape from my skateboard.

P.S. Is skateboarding still cool? I think it used to be cool but since Rob and Big was taken off MTV, skating got lame. I don't know though, I still have my Alien Workshop deck and my Grind King trucks and shit just in case skating gets cool again. O shit, wait, I think my subscription to Thrasher Magazine is expiring next month. Fuck. Gotta ask my Dad to sign me up for another 12 month subscription because I love me some high end "skater" news and pics. LOL? Yes!

P.S.S. Holler at me if you ever "jerked it" to Hook-Ups Skateboard design. Don't lie. Asian chix FTW!

Dude, I got to show you the sweet new dick tattoo that I got. I had to get wasted cuz it hurt like eight bitches on a bitch boat.

The tattoo is a meaningful quote from the most meaningful band on this planet. The band is called The Plain White Tee Shirts and this is the quote:

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.*

*Please note that the font I chose to get this quote tattooed on me is Wingdings. I thought Arial, Times New Roman, and Helvetica were JUST TOO BORING. BORING = CONFORMITY and I will never conform. EVER!

ANYWAYS

Do you like that quote above? Do you know where I can see n00dz of "Delilah?" Do you like The Plain White Tee Shirts? Are they the most meaningful band on this planet? Should we even try to get an interview on FuckThatBand.com with The Plain White Tee Shirts or are they too busy hanging out on iCary? Do you think that The Plain White Tee Shirts are sellouts cuz they were on iCarly? Do you think the girl from iCarly (Miranda Cosgrove) really knows how to jam out some nasty ass Metallica or Slayer licks?

These are all really good questions... please email ASAP with your responses or I just might "OFF" myself. Just sayin'

Sometime last year, bands/ Warped-Tour-lebrities/ pedophiles started putting their phone numbers up on Myspace so their fans could call them. This may have been started by Benjamin Hooligun, the dreadlocked hippie who runs a traveling yard sale during Warped Tour. It also may have been started by Audrey Kitching, the eating disordered hairstylist who is famous for having a sparkly Myspace profile. The origins of the public phone number are controversial and unknown, but it doesn't matter now, because every cool band who APPRECIATES THEIR FANS and WOULDN'T BE WHERE THEY ARE TODAY WITHOUT THEM makes their phone number public.

What Looks Like Crazy is one of these bands. Never mind their totally weird pic that makes each member of the band look like they were photographed in a different room at a different time and then Photoshopped together by a kindergartner (yay!). What Looks Like Crazy really understands my need to talk about what shitty backstabbing girl friends I have (thanks for not telling me I had period stains on my gym shorts, GUYS!!) and vent about my lame ass parents who ground me for every stupid thing like not putting my cereal bowl in the dishwasher (like are they fucking serious?!). What Looks Like Crazy really GET ME, I can tell by their lyrics and haircuts. I'm going to call them right now, I have so much to talk about.

::RING::

THE PERSON YOU CALLED IS UNAVAILABLE AT THIS TIME. TO LEAVE A MESSAGE PRESS TWO.

WTF?!?! Like are they fucking serious? I can't believe they didn't answer the phone! I NEED them right now! Aside from that... who the hell was that lady robot? No personalized message?!!

OH WAIT... they just sent me a text message. Hold plz.

"Thanks for joining! Call 757-301-0055 to send a msg or listen to Matt Washburn. For help reply HELP. Carrier charges may apply. Bla bla bla"

Um, I want Matt Washburn to listen to ME!!! And what the fuck did I just join? Is my mom going to find out? OMFUCKINGGOD I am going to get grounded AH-GAIN. THANKS ASSHOLES. WHAT LOOKS LIKE CRAZY ARE FUCKING SELL OUTS!! DON'T LISTEN TO THEM EVER!!!

P.S. These guys sound like The Maine. No they don't. Yes they do. No they don't. Yes they do. No they don't. Yes they do. No they don't. Yes they do. No they don't. Yes they do. No they don't. Yes they do. No they don't. Yes they do.

Man, this CD cover blows. Rumor has it that the singer of Say Anything (Max Bemis) is going to start dressing like a superhero. Max really knows the music industry so he obviously realizes how "FUCKIN' KEWL" The Aquabats are so in an effort to become more "FUCKIN' KEWL," Maxy Bemis is going SUPERHERO! He is going to wear tights and act even MORE corny than The Aquabats (is that even possible???).

In other news, Say Anything sucks. Would rather have "rat poison for dinner" than listen to their shit.

In other other news, The Aquabats suck. Would rather give my dick paper cuts with a comic book than listen to their fruity ass music.

Just sayin'

YOU: Hey, WTF? This post wasn't even funny!

US: U sure?

Did you guys hear the news? My 16 year old neighbor is in some serious DOO DOO right now!!! He got drunk with all his Junior Varsity Football buddies and took his mom's car out for a drive without asking her. They drove to White Castle for those new pulled pork sandwiches. Anyways, long story short, he crashed the car into a the local pet store!!! He has to pay lots of money for the damage and he owes like 2 thousand dollars to the police (oink!) because they gave him 6 different tickets.

His shitty luck is MY GAIN... he is selling all of his shit in an effort to raise the money in a timely fashion. He sold me tons of CDs and DVDs. Seriously 3 boxes filled to the brim for only 15 dollars!!! There has to be at least 100 DVDs here and at least 50 Cds. I started watching/listening to some of the stuff, check out some reviews:

*Home Alone DVD - movie sucked, I was kinda sad when the burglars killed Kevin. I didn't see that coming. At least that creepy old guy who throws the salt everywhere got a chance to French kiss Kevin before the burglars killed him.

*The Higher (It's Only Natural) CD – I think I heard this music playing at COSTCO last week when I was getting my SHOP ON. The tracks on this shit are pretty painful. When I sunk my teeth into this release, it felt as if I was sinking my teeth into a fuckin chainsaw that was on. Painful is an understatement. Plz stop this R&B shit. Plz.

*Walt Disney's Bambi (2-Disc Special Edition) DVD – This was actually an awesome movie. It sucked at first when Bambi's mom died but then it was cool as hell when she came back as a ghost and burned the whole forest down. Walt Disney doesn't fuck around.

*Sparks the Rescue (Eyes to the Sun) CD – the music on this CD kinda sounds like those weird noises I was making when I "accidentally" put a hamster up my butt. Sparks the Rescue? Do. Not. Want. But seriously though, if you or anyone you know is selling a hamster, get at me ASAP. Just sayin. Maybe I'll check craigslist? I don't know though, don't people die every day from craigslist related shit????

*Planet of the Apes DVD – I didn't get a chance to watch this movie yet, but I think it is safe to say that this movie is 100 times more entertaining than any music The Higher or Sparks the Rescue puts out. Zing? Ya, zing!

Ok, gotta go watch Planet of the Apes now. I love me some Sci-Fi p0rn. Hope to see some Monkey b00biez!!!1!!!

Just in case you can't read the above comment from the Four Year Strong myspace page, here it is:

"You guys are the spinal chord of music today!!! <3!!"

Are you for realz? Let me be straight wit choo for just a second... if that band is the fuckin "spinal chord of music today" than I pray to GOD that he/she/it turns me into a huge ass JELLYFISH!!!

But seriously, I know what you are probably thinking: "Come on d00d!!! Have you heard that sick as hell 90's cover CD they just put out?!?!?!"

Yes I did and I got news for you, that Punk Goes 90s Fearless Records release was lame as hell and this Four Year Strong 90s cover CD is no exception. The 90s sucked. Period. Lets not try to relive that time. Pogs were lame. In Living Color was lame. Full House was lame. Are You Afraid of the Dark? was lame. Home Alone 1, 2, and 3, was lame.

OOOOOOO I just made it rain all over your FYS parade. My bad! Make sure you remember to purchase your limited edition Four Year Strong Rain Ponchos by clicking RIGHT HERE. Don't get caught in the LOL storm without LOL protection. Tell them FuckThatBand.com sent cha!

I heard the new Eye Alaska and it was totally not groovy at all. Just saying.

Ok, I gotta head over to the local Target because I heard they are having a sale on "hand lotion" and I gotta "get sum" so I can use it on "my hands" while I visualize Fez suckin' my wang and fingerin' my puss. Oh, you didn't know I had both?! Yea, it's kinda weird but I'm used to it. DON'T HATE!

Sometimes I just like to chill with my bros and drink some bottles of FUZE. We get wasted off them. FUUUUZEEEEZ are a lot like Red Bulls - the only difference is a bottle of FUZE has like 75% more alcohol in it when compared to WEAK ASS RED BULL. Red Bull is a laydeez drink, I am a man, I get ma drink on with FUZE.

This one time I was wasted on FUUUUZZZEEEEZZZ and me and all my BROS, we went to Dunkin Donuts drive thru and we were all like YO GIMMIEE A COFFEE COOOOLATTA and the dude who was working the intercom thing was all like YEAH OK I WILL GIVE U FREE COFFEE COOLATTAS IF U LISTEN TO MY FRIENDS BAND.

Then we were all like OK SURE WHATZ DA BAND CALLED??? He was all like THEY ARE CALLED LET'S GET IT. We said OK LETZ LISTEN TO THEM.

The music starts, we listened, we became violently sick from the music, we threw up uncontrollably, we all became extremely dehydrated, we had to be hospitalized, we ended up passing away :-(

I am actually typing this blog right now on God's mac book. God is pretty chill, he lets me use his laptop when he goes to work. Anyways, I gotta end this post because I got to post some shit on craigslist. I am trying to sell my old Fender Strat, need money for da strip club. Strip clubs in Heaven are fuckin off the hook. These males strippers, let me tell you, THEY AINT NO ANGELS wink wink nudge nudge. Money talks ;-)

Hey! We're Mayday Parade! We spent this past Easter dyeing each others shirts the color of Easter eggs for our photo shoot! It was fuckin radical! But for real though, as shitty as we dress, our music is even worse. We are just warning you. Don't say we didn't warn you.

I would rather drink six bottles of Listerine in five minutes than listen to five minutes of The Friday Night Boys. Just sayin' FUCKIN GET WASTEDDDDD!

Trippin' on Listerine > Listening to FNB

Seriously, The Friday Night Boys sound like a an even shittier version of Boys Like Girls. Is that even possible? Why can't more bands sound like Motionless In White? Motionless In White fuckin ROCK! Have you heard them yet? So good.

Ok, I gotta jet. Peace the FUCK out internet dorks, I got lots of shit I gotta get to. Don't believe me? Wanna read my TO DO LIST? Ok, here it is:

- Listen to more music by Motionless In White because I think I am getting too tan and I think that if I listen to more Motionless In White, I will become more pale and pale skin is fuckin RADICAL MAN!

- Drink some Listerine cuz I am totally "thirsting" for some "adventure" (whatever that means).

- Spike my hair so girls think I am rebellious.

- Write "Motionless In White fuckin rocks" on the back of my JanSport/ Trapper Keeper/ Five Star/ JNCO jeans/ etc with black sharpie marker so girls think I am rebellious.

- Get a job at the mall (Hot Topic plz) so I can take breaks in the food court because that shit is cool.

- Make lots of money at my mall job so I can finally pay my dad back (kinda sick of paying him back with sex).

- Make $3,500 so I can buy a brand new Apple laptop/ Mac laptop / Google laptop / Lego - Laptop / Flintstones Vitamins Laptop.

- Get an apartment so I can "get the fuck out of the house" and listen to The Maine as loud as I want to without my old ass grandma yelling at me and calling me a "devil worshiper" and shit. Old bitch. Old bitches don't know about how sick The Maine is.

- Paint more pictures of quiet/peaceful landscapes (my doctor said that would be "therapeutic" or something).

- Lose 170 pounds by tomorrow night.

- Try to kick my Listerine addiction.

- Tell my mom I love her before "it's 2 late" and whatever.

Yo, I fuckin hate The Maine and I fuckin hate the dude in The Maine who is trying TOO FUCKIN HARD to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger (Terminator 2 Judgment Day). How about instead of wasting hours trying to find the "perfect" pair of sunglasses from PacSun/ Target, you spend some time actually learning how to play your musical instrument correctly you talentless dweeb.

The results are in, the Pope and God just called me on my celly and they told me the TOP 2 MOST BORING THINGS OF ALL TIME! Do you want to know what they are? Well, here we go:

1. The music of A Skylit Drive.

and

2. Every Goosebumps book ever made.

Those two things equal zzzzzzzzzz.

In other news, what if the singer of A Skylit Drive had sex with R.L. Stine? What do you think their baby would be like. I am going to take a guess and say that he/she would be the most uncreative person on the face of this planet. Ugh.

Ok, I gotta go now, VH1 probably has something sweet on. Gotta get my VH1 fix for the day. Bye bye. Thank you for visiting my blog. Hope you enjoyed your stay. Tell your friends/teammates about FuckThatBand.com. XOXOX

This is going to be a short blog post. Don't be mad. K?

Portugal. The Man - a million fuckin' releases, each one more terrible than the last. This shit is straight up vomit.

Ok gotta run.

Sorry this post is so short, I just found out that my mom and step dad are going to be "out of town" today and tomorrow. They left me a note and it said they were going to a "swingers party." Strange, I didn't know my mom liked to swing dance but whatever I am totally going to invade their secret liquor cabinet.

I am going to throw a party at my house. Shoot me a TXT message if you want to come to my party. Don't have a ride? No problem, I can just steal my neighbors car and pick you up. I may only be 13 years old but I know I can drive better than Portugal. The Man can play their instruments.

Sup d00dz, we are a band called Breathe Carolina and a rainbow just jerked off all over us. Rainbow jizz rawks.

Dude, have you heard Sparks The Rescue yet? ZOMG. I fuckin love them. I mean, I hate them. I mean, I love them. I mean, I hate them. Fuck, sorry about that, I'm not gonna lie, I am KINDA fucked up right now. Just did some shroomz and drank some Robo. Fuckin lolz all over my face (and yours).

But for realz, we got the one KEWL older band member who buyz da beerz for the NERDY younger band member. SCORE DA b33R bra!!! B33R TRUCK IZ CUMMIN'

And we got the one dude who loves sci fi comic books. BATTLESTAR GALACTICA MAN!!! Fuckin get into it!

And we also got the one dude who just wants to play football in the quad. Dude, I am totally skipping class today, gonna just chill in the quad with no shirt on and throw the good ole football around. Thinkin' about rushing a fraternity, I heard the frat bros got nothing but love fur da partyz.

P.S. FRESHMAN FRESHMAN DO SOMETHING CRAZY DO SOMETHING CRAZY KEG STAND KEG STAND.

Man, I love college. Do I really have to graduate? Or can I just stay here for the rest of my life?

Attention everyone, we are extremely excited to announce that those cuties over at Fearless Records have done it again! They have created a compilation CD called Punk Goes Linkin Park! This album contains a collection of songs by various REAL LIFE PUNK RAWK artists performing their favorite (and your favorite) covers of Linkin Park songs. This CD is totally going to win an Oscar. Rumor has it that All Time Low, The Get Up Kids, and Ace Enders are all confirmed.

I am going to suck off iTunes so hard once that album is available. I am going to suck iTunes' digital wang bone off so hard. I love you Fearless Records. You guys are a bunch of fuckin' geniuses!

In other news, check out PUNK GOES POP VOLUME 2 for some mega lolz.

I would rather have a 3some with Rosie and Carrot Top than listen to Mayday Parade. LOLZ.

PS this post has been typed and uploaded from my iPhone, I mean, via Hiptop, I mean, sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry CrackBerry LOLberry. Holler at me. Where U @????

I am thinking about getting a new AIM name. Should I? Will you IM me? Here is a list of possible new screen names I came up with (plz don't steal my ideas u posers)...

DaNumbr12lookzlykeUsux4e
BangbrosFan2009
MuxTapeWuzNeverKewl
UnderoathSHLDbreakUPasap
Iwanttohavesexwithmymacbook
obamaMOSHhard69
BrangelinaBOY123
tumblrIZstupid
FearlessWreckordzFan666

After I pick out a phat ass new screen name, my next mission will be to choose a sick as fuck away message. Here is a list of possible new away messages I came up with (plz don't steal my ideas u posers)...

Away Message: "Tring to get a ride to see Years Gone By play tonight. My mom is being a bitch. Can anyone give me a ride?!?! God, H8 my mom so much. I wish I lived with my dad."

Away Message: "The moon is down, and heaven is waiting. –Further Seems Forever"

Away Message: "SHeeees a Laydeeeeeee and Ladiesssss shouldn't be messed with, Out with MA gurls. Don't wait up cuz we are out being slutttts hehehehehe rofl"

Away Message: "this aint a scene it’s a gawd damm armz race. -Unknown"

Away Message: "Are we human? Or are we dancer? -Ghandi"

What do you guys think? What should I do??? Email me and let me know. kk <3 u guyz so0o0o00o much, friends 4e.

Dear Motionless In White,

Davey Havok called. He told me to tell you guys to stop looking like AFI and stop sounding like Underoath. Thanks.

Love,
FuckThatBand.com Staff

P.S. Davey Havok also wanted to wish you all a happy belated Halloween. Click here for his message.

The holidays are here and we are just about done with 2008. It is that time of year again, time for every idiot music site out there to release their top 10 from the past 365 days (who cares, yo). We are no different than those assholes (we are trendy nerdz); the following is OURRRR top 10 releases of 2008. We do it a bit different here though; these are the 10 releases from 2008 that made us contemplate punching the shit out of a huge bee hive because getting stung by 1,000+ bees is a better feeling than listening to the following releases from 2008:

10. Dear and the Headlights - Drunk Like Bible Times
09. Houston Calls - The End of an Error...
08. The Morning Light - The Morning Light
07. Anberlin - New Surrender
06. Hey Monday - Hold On Tight
05. The Years Gone By - Forever Comes Too Soon
04. Fall of Troy - Phantom of the Horizon
03. MGMT - Oracular Spectacular
02. Artist Vs Poet - Artist Vs Poet
01. Forever the Sickest Kids - Underdog Alma Mater

Those releases, oh man, I would rather have my ball sack stung by a million bees than listen to the albums on that list again.

Wait, scratch that, I would rather have the bees rip open my ball sack with their stingers, enter my ball sack, and sting my actual balls a zillion times. Fuck, that sounds more appealing than listening to those tunes on that top 10 list. Can't wait until 2009.

Dear Surge Soda,

Miss you so much. We haven't talked in years, figured I'd write you a letter to let you know how shit is going.

Ever since you left us, planet Earth has turned to hell, omgz global warming, all the ice is melting, da polar bears are crying hard as hellll. But that news is NOTHING compared to how bad da music "scene" has been since you bounced. We now have bands like The Maine, 3oh!3, Family Force 5, Hit The Lights, and A Rocket To The Moon. Lyke, gag me with a sp00000n. kjdskjfdskjdsj (that wuz me throwing up on my Macbeth shoez)

Are all these shitty bands around because the human race just gave up all hope since Surge Soda left us? Maybe global warming is happening because of all of the shitty music sound waves that are trapped within the earths atmosphere and stuffzzz.

I am scared for 2009. Will Obama save us from da music? Will Obama start a band? Will his self titled 7inch go for 500 euro on ebay? Will his vinyl be limited edition hand numbered from 1 to 69. LOL at 69, obama is so funny for picking the number 69. Obama, you go boy!

In closing, Surge Soda, please get at Obama (send him a TXT message or some shit) and ask him to bring you back, this world needs you and your citrus explosion of flavor. Jus sayin'

Sincerely,
FuckThatBand.com Staff

If you mixed together slim shady, the Jonas Brothers, and kurt cobain I'm guessing this is prolly what you would get. Check out these chocolate syrup-covered idiots called Breathe Carolina. They sound like they look, shitty. I'm pretty sure I'd rather be watching that UBER radical teenage vampire thriller movie masterpiece (tee hee hee) called "twilight" than listening to their silly, silly musik. These dudes are signed to Rise Records. Oh Rise Records... U so0o0oo0o CRAY-ZEEE.

Ok, sorry to cut this short but I gotta go drink some blood now, that is what Breathe Carolina would want me to do... right???? But while I am out, can you totally try to get me the new Years Gone By mp3s off of da bit torrent or some shit? I hear that release is more even MORE gross than 2 girls 1 cup... I am curious to see if that is true. Is it? We shall see.

Member of Artist Vs Poet: Bro, I love to grab my dick, grabbing dicks is fuckin radical. There are 3 things that I love in life: our new CD, that hey there Delilah song by Plain White T's, and grabbing my dick.

Another member of Artist Vs Poet: Dude, my three favorite things in life are as followed: our new CD on Fearless Records, that hey there Delilah song by Plain White T's (oooooh its TWAT you do to meeeeeee), and watching you grab your dick.

Another member of Artist Vs Poet: Dude, during the next photo shoot, lets all grab our dicks... or even better, we can grab each others dicks!!!!

All of Artist Vs Poet: (in the cliche BORAT voice) HIGH FIVE!!! Wawa-wee-waaaa!!!!!!

Holy shit, The Maine is on the cover of the latest issue of Substream Music Press. Here is the really funny thing about it, on the cover of the magazine you can see that there is a contest: "WIN A SIGNED SJC SNARE DRUM FROM THE MAINE."

Hahahahahahaha! Oh I love those jokesters over at Substream Music Press. They are the best at April Fools Day jokes!

Wait, today isn't April Fools Day? Oh shit!

Why the fuck would anyone in their right mind give a shit about a signed snare drum from The Maine? What a shitty prize.

"Dude, don't hate on The Maine, you are an asshole, their music is the w00t man!"

Their music is the woot? Yea, their music is about as cool as those fuckin' lame as hell Strong Bad emails cartoons. You know what I mean? LOLZZZZ

(insert the creepy as hell clown things voice from the movie SAW) Hello. You don't know me, but I know you. I want to play a game. Here's what happens if you lose. The device you are wearing is hooked into your upper and lower jaw. If you do not unlock it, your mouth will be permanently ripped open in 30 minutes. Think of it like a reverse bear trap. There is only one key to open the device. It is in the locked box right next to you. All you have to do is listen to one song by the band called At the Drive-In and then the box will open, revealing the key. Live or die, make your choice. You have 30 minutes to decide.

(insert the persons voice who is stuck in the bear trap thing) Nah man, fuck it. I refuse to listen to anything by At the Drive-In. I bet the song I would have to listen to is "One Armed Scissor" and that song blows so hard. Getting my mouth ripped apart would feel amazing when compared to the pain that I would feel if I listened to that track. In fact, I can only think of one thing that would hurt more than listening to a song by At the Drive-In, and that would be listening to a song by The Mars Volta. Tell my parents I loved them, heaven here I come.

Whoa. Big news, I mean, HUGE news. It seems that Perez Hilton has joined Fearless Records very own Eye Alaska??? This should seriously help out their "internet cred" a whole lot. Every band needs some INTERNET CRED sometimes, am I right??!?! Lolz0rz

The brand new A Static Lullaby CD is called "Rattlesnake!" and it came out a few weeks ago on Fearless Records. Do you have it yet? Hell no you don’t, why would you? I would rather French kiss the arm pits of that dude with the green trucker hat than listen to one second of "Rattlesnake!"

In other news, they are on tour right now with Maylene and The Sons of Disaster! Just so you know, I would rather French kiss the arm pits of that dude with the green trucker hat than listen to one second of Maylene and The Sons of Disaster as well. Two shit bands, one shit show, count me in!!!!!! (not)

This just in: the movie "Semi-Pro" (starring Will Ferrell) sucked big time.

This also just in: the band The Morning Light (on Fearless Records) sucks big time.

Just wanted to make that clear. Cool?

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Tempe, Arizona's very own The Maine! The band has got some killer tunes... and by killer I mean the tunes turn me into a killer. I want to kill my iPod for even letting me add those mp3s onto it. Then I want to kill my ear buds for even letting that garbage travel through its wires. Then I want to just kill myself after hearing the tunes.

But wait, there is good news; the one dude in the band totally looks like a cross between Smokey the Bear and that one dude from Dumb and Dumber. Not Jim Carrey, the other dude, what is his name? Oh yeah, Jeff Daniels. So yeah, The Maine is hitting the road pretty soon with The Academy Is and then with All Time Low so if you go to one of their shows and you see the Smokey the Bear looking guy, totally give him a high five because he looks like he knows how to party. As for the other guys in the band, stay away from them, I don't trust them. Only trust the Smokey the Bear/Dumb and Dumber guy. Cool? Cool. K thnx bye.

Every Avenue has announced that their shitty songs "Where Were You" and "One More Song" are used in the upcoming independent film, The Adventures of Food Boy, starring Lucas Grabeel (some dude from Disney's High School Musical). Do you want to see a trailer for Adventures of Food Boy? Fuck no you don't but incase you want to, here it is dude-bro. My prediction, the movie sucks but not as much as Every Avenue does live. OooOoOo burn! U mad?