Listening to The Audition makes me feel so awkward. The music is just THAT bad. This music reminds me of the feeling that I get when I am invited to a party in which I know nobody but the person who invited me, and nobody at that party is interested in making new friends. So I just sit there on the sofa like an uber nerd with no one to talk to. That situation makes me feel pretty lousy. I bet everyone at that party was a fan of The Audition. Bleh. They are uber dorks. I am glad no one talked to me.

But here is the kicker, the next day the person who invited me to the party calls me on my cell and is all like "Ummmm yeah so I am missing my season 1 and season 2 of Arrested Development on DVD and a bunch of people said they saw you steal them" and I am all like "WHAT!?!?! I didn't take your fucking DVDs woman!!!" Ugh yooooo.

In all honesty, the only thing I would ever steal from anyone is their Audition CD. I would steal that shit so fast and run it over with my sick ass Dodge Neon. Na mean? If anything I would be doing them a favor. The Audition is hell. Now please excuse me, I gotta go get my sick ass Dodge Neon's oil changed and then I am gonna roll over to Blockbuster and rent The Fast and the Furious on DVD. Vin Diesel broooo!!! Broooo!!!!

Oh man, Xmas is over. So pissed. I got the worst presents in the history of presents!!! Baby Jesus would not approve of the CRAP I got this year. Mom, I hope you are reading this fucking blog because I need you to know that you "just don't get me" and I don't think you ever will!!! GAWD!!!!

Things Mom got me that I hated:

1. City and Colour CD - mom, this band is straight up hippie garbage shit. I want to take this guys acoustic guitar and smash it over dads head because he apparently "suggested" to you to get me this CD. What could possibly be worse than a City and Colour CD?!?!?! Wait... I guess the answer to that is an Alexisonfire cd.

2. Taking Back Sunday shirt - shit mom, it isn't 2003!!! No one listens to TBS anymore, god, all the kids in school are going to make fun of me if you make me wear that shirt!!!

3. Hugo Boss Cologne - mom, I wanted Michael Jordan Cologne you bitch! You knew that!! Now I will never be able to dunk a B-Ball, shit! You suck mom.

4. Ugg Boots - these fuckin boots make me look like Mega Man and I hated that video game almost as much as I hate that TBS shirt.

5. Hess Toy Tuck - what am I fuckin 8 years old mom?!?!?! I got news for you bitch, I am 15 years old, not 8!!!!!!! JESUSSSSS!!!! Take this toy back to Hess and exchange it for a gallon of gas, give me the gas, let me pour it all over my presents. Let me take a match to the crap. Then let me watch it burn. While the presents are burning I will be using my lame Beavis and Butt-Head voice and I will say "Heh heh heh yea fire fire fire heh heh heh fire rules heh heh heh."

P.S. Mom, is it okay if I sleep over Tommy's house for his New Years Eve party. Are their going to be girls at the party? I don't know! Wait, why do you want Tommy's moms phone number?? Never mind, forget about it. I'll just stay home on new years god I hate you FUCKK THISSS.

The Sleeping have entered the studio to record their new full-length set to come out in 2009. In other news, Walt Disney called me up from his cryonic chamber full of liquid nitrogen and he told me to tell that one dude from The Sleeping to take that Mickey shirt the fuck off. Personally, I would never want to piss off Walt Disney... he is a frozen zombie for petes sake!!! Doesn't that scare you!?!?!!?!?!?!? Frozen zombies are the deadliest of all zombies, they have the ability to shoot ice beams out of their eyes and they are always riding on crazy as shit zombie polar bears with rabies!!! FUCKKKKKKKKKK

The one dude from Aiden looks like the one dude from Doogie Howser, M.D. Ya know, he was Doogie's annoying best friend. I am pretty sure the guy from Aiden is just as annoying. On second thought, I am sure that the whole band is just as annoying. On third thought, anyone that listens to Aiden is annoying.

In other news, if you like Aiden, I am 99.9 percent positive that you watch Criss Angel Mindfreak on A&E Network all the time and you are all like "Yo, that shit was so boss! Did you see that? That mother fucker was all in a wood chipper and then he popped out and he totally was still alive! Fuck yea man! I bet Criss Angel is into Aiden. Doing nasty tricks like that, you know he is a total Aiden fan! Yah Aiden! Get down with the sickness! Oooo waa ahhh ahhh ahhhhhhh!"

Female Photographer: OMG! I cannot believe I am taking promo shots of Driver Side Impact. I am so lucky. I am going to have the best photos in the whole class. I sooo am going to get an A+.

Driver Side Impact: Yeah you are, little lady. (licks lips)

Female Photographer: I told my "Intro to Photography" professor all about you guys and he totally wants me to get him a shirt and a CD. My professor is really chill. Sometimes he comes out to parties and stuff with us. He is, like, in his forties but no big deal.

Drive Side Impact: So, uhhhh, you got a dorm room we can check out? We just wanna bro down a bit, nothing crazy. We got some booze and stuff too if you want to party. Oh, and don't worry about your RA, she will totally not write you up.

Female Photographer: Ok, but before we party, I need you guys to do really shitty and cliche hand gestures during this photo shoot. I think it is the only way I can solidify my A+.

Drive Side Impact: Shitty hand gestures and shitty music are our specialties, so you are soooooo in luck, little lady. (licks lips and then proceeded to produce lame hand gestures)

Holy shit! Doug is in a band? You're damn right he is. The Band is called The Scenic. I recommend you get their CD if you are thinking about losing some weight because chances are, after you hear their music, you will be throwing up for the next 3 months straight... but hey, prom isn't really THAT FAR AWAY... so maybe by then you will be able to fit in that tight and slutty prom dress? Patti Mayonnaise will be sooooooooooooooooooooo jealous.

Today is a good day, a very good day. We just heard about the fact that Across Five Aprils is breaking up. In a recent myspace blog, the band claimed "We've all just gotten to a point where we have chosen to move on..." and we here at this site could not be happier to read that statement. Their music was bad. I would rather be one of those American backpackers in that 2005 horror movie HOSTEL than listen to Across Five Aprils.

In other news, the one dude from the band looks like Super Mario. Well, a really dirty version that probably sweats a whole lot and probably chooses to not shower all that much. Na mean?

Attention Walmart shoppers, we are now selling sick ass "punk rawk" tee shirts. Check out our music section and look for the sign that says "Victory Records Fan 2-Pack." You have your choice of the following Fan Packs: Between the Buried and Me (Yawn), Aiden (Still a Band?), Bayside (LOL), Silverstein (Canada, ya I know, I didn’t think people lived their either), and Atreyu (More Bats and More Eyeliner Please). These are great stocking stuffers! Collect all 5!

Walmart better watch out because I am sure there will be at least one thousand law suits against them from angry parents whose children broke their arms and legs inside of the store. How did they break their arms and legs? How do you think! I got two words for you, SICK... MOSH...

Can you blame the kiddies for moshing though? I mean, it isn’t everyday that you can go inside of a store and get shitty as hell Victory Records merchandise plus grab some even shittier Sam's Choice Soda (omg Mountain Lighting and Dr. Thunder, holler at it!).

Mark those calendars, September 30th is a huge day for Bayside fans everywhere (what fans?). They got two new releases coming out on that date, one being "Shudder" and the other "Live At The Bayside Social Club." You gonna buy it? Here, don't even bother. I will tell you what it will sound like so don't have to waste your money (or waste your time downloading it from some illegal site). If is pretty much going to sound like THISSSSS....

Funeral for a Friend has announced that their new CD called "You Can't See The Forest For The Wolves" will be released in America and Canada on Victory Records. Great... Victory Records kills another decent band. Meh, what am I talking about?!?!?! Funeral for a Friend wasn't ever really THAT good. I mean, they did get kinda OK once Kevin Smith joined the band and all but like, in all honesty, I'd rather watch Mall Rats than listen to Funeral For a Friend. Jus' sayin'

Thursday is currently in da studioz recording a brand new album. I know... who cares... but here is the kEwL (lame) part: Thursday has gone web 2.0 on my ass and they got themselves a Twitter account! If for some strange reason you actually give two shits, you can keep up to date with the recording process via their Twitter.com account dudeee. They have some incredibly exciting posts on there, don't believe me? Here are two examples, "Gonna give it a go for a second time! My voice better be working today" and "Geoff is tearing it up in the vocal booth" etc etc etc yawn etc etc etc etc fart etc etc etc. How could we NOT want to follow their twitter? Action, exhilaration, and so much more! FOR REALSIES! (not)