Dear Motionless In White,

Davey Havok called. He told me to tell you guys to stop looking like AFI and stop sounding like Underoath. Thanks.

Love,
FuckThatBand.com Staff

P.S. Davey Havok also wanted to wish you all a happy belated Halloween. Click here for his message.

Dear Surge Soda,

Miss you so much. We haven't talked in years, figured I'd write you a letter to let you know how shit is going.

Ever since you left us, planet Earth has turned to hell, omgz global warming, all the ice is melting, da polar bears are crying hard as hellll. But that news is NOTHING compared to how bad da music "scene" has been since you bounced. We now have bands like The Maine, 3oh!3, Family Force 5, Hit The Lights, and A Rocket To The Moon. Lyke, gag me with a sp00000n. kjdskjfdskjdsj (that wuz me throwing up on my Macbeth shoez)

Are all these shitty bands around because the human race just gave up all hope since Surge Soda left us? Maybe global warming is happening because of all of the shitty music sound waves that are trapped within the earths atmosphere and stuffzzz.

I am scared for 2009. Will Obama save us from da music? Will Obama start a band? Will his self titled 7inch go for 500 euro on ebay? Will his vinyl be limited edition hand numbered from 1 to 69. LOL at 69, obama is so funny for picking the number 69. Obama, you go boy!

In closing, Surge Soda, please get at Obama (send him a TXT message or some shit) and ask him to bring you back, this world needs you and your citrus explosion of flavor. Jus sayin'

Sincerely,
FuckThatBand.com Staff

Member of Artist Vs Poet: Bro, I love to grab my dick, grabbing dicks is fuckin radical. There are 3 things that I love in life: our new CD, that hey there Delilah song by Plain White T's, and grabbing my dick.

Another member of Artist Vs Poet: Dude, my three favorite things in life are as followed: our new CD on Fearless Records, that hey there Delilah song by Plain White T's (oooooh its TWAT you do to meeeeeee), and watching you grab your dick.

Another member of Artist Vs Poet: Dude, during the next photo shoot, lets all grab our dicks... or even better, we can grab each others dicks!!!!

All of Artist Vs Poet: (in the cliche BORAT voice) HIGH FIVE!!! Wawa-wee-waaaa!!!!!!

Holy shit, The Maine is on the cover of the latest issue of Substream Music Press. Here is the really funny thing about it, on the cover of the magazine you can see that there is a contest: "WIN A SIGNED SJC SNARE DRUM FROM THE MAINE."

Hahahahahahaha! Oh I love those jokesters over at Substream Music Press. They are the best at April Fools Day jokes!

Wait, today isn't April Fools Day? Oh shit!

Why the fuck would anyone in their right mind give a shit about a signed snare drum from The Maine? What a shitty prize.

"Dude, don't hate on The Maine, you are an asshole, their music is the w00t man!"

Their music is the woot? Yea, their music is about as cool as those fuckin' lame as hell Strong Bad emails cartoons. You know what I mean? LOLZZZZ

(insert the creepy as hell clown things voice from the movie SAW) Hello. You don't know me, but I know you. I want to play a game. Here's what happens if you lose. The device you are wearing is hooked into your upper and lower jaw. If you do not unlock it, your mouth will be permanently ripped open in 30 minutes. Think of it like a reverse bear trap. There is only one key to open the device. It is in the locked box right next to you. All you have to do is listen to one song by the band called At the Drive-In and then the box will open, revealing the key. Live or die, make your choice. You have 30 minutes to decide.

(insert the persons voice who is stuck in the bear trap thing) Nah man, fuck it. I refuse to listen to anything by At the Drive-In. I bet the song I would have to listen to is "One Armed Scissor" and that song blows so hard. Getting my mouth ripped apart would feel amazing when compared to the pain that I would feel if I listened to that track. In fact, I can only think of one thing that would hurt more than listening to a song by At the Drive-In, and that would be listening to a song by The Mars Volta. Tell my parents I loved them, heaven here I come.

Whoa. Big news, I mean, HUGE news. It seems that Perez Hilton has joined Fearless Records very own Eye Alaska??? This should seriously help out their "internet cred" a whole lot. Every band needs some INTERNET CRED sometimes, am I right??!?! Lolz0rz

The brand new A Static Lullaby CD is called "Rattlesnake!" and it came out a few weeks ago on Fearless Records. Do you have it yet? Hell no you don’t, why would you? I would rather French kiss the arm pits of that dude with the green trucker hat than listen to one second of "Rattlesnake!"

In other news, they are on tour right now with Maylene and The Sons of Disaster! Just so you know, I would rather French kiss the arm pits of that dude with the green trucker hat than listen to one second of Maylene and The Sons of Disaster as well. Two shit bands, one shit show, count me in!!!!!! (not)

This just in: the movie "Semi-Pro" (starring Will Ferrell) sucked big time.

This also just in: the band The Morning Light (on Fearless Records) sucks big time.

Just wanted to make that clear. Cool?

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Tempe, Arizona's very own The Maine! The band has got some killer tunes... and by killer I mean the tunes turn me into a killer. I want to kill my iPod for even letting me add those mp3s onto it. Then I want to kill my ear buds for even letting that garbage travel through its wires. Then I want to just kill myself after hearing the tunes.

But wait, there is good news; the one dude in the band totally looks like a cross between Smokey the Bear and that one dude from Dumb and Dumber. Not Jim Carrey, the other dude, what is his name? Oh yeah, Jeff Daniels. So yeah, The Maine is hitting the road pretty soon with The Academy Is and then with All Time Low so if you go to one of their shows and you see the Smokey the Bear looking guy, totally give him a high five because he looks like he knows how to party. As for the other guys in the band, stay away from them, I don't trust them. Only trust the Smokey the Bear/Dumb and Dumber guy. Cool? Cool. K thnx bye.

Every Avenue has announced that their shitty songs "Where Were You" and "One More Song" are used in the upcoming independent film, The Adventures of Food Boy, starring Lucas Grabeel (some dude from Disney's High School Musical). Do you want to see a trailer for Adventures of Food Boy? Fuck no you don't but incase you want to, here it is dude-bro. My prediction, the movie sucks but not as much as Every Avenue does live. OooOoOo burn! U mad?