Do you get invited to parties every fucking night like I do? If the answer is yes, then you NEED to read this blog that I am writing. I wrote it JUST FOR YOU (you're welcome).

Chances are, the party you are going to is going to SUCK DICK so it will be your job to turn it into a KEWL PARTY that is worth blogging about.

Step 1: CLOTHING! Here is the deal, your cracka ass is gonna get tagged on facebook whether you like it or not. With that being said, you better be rockin some CHILL ASS THREADS! Here is what you need to wear. Roll up in a phat ass 3OH3 varsity jacket. When it gets too hot to rock the jacket, take that shit off and show off your Ed Hardy tee. Don't have an Ed Hardy tee? It is totally ok, a UFC shirt will do just fine.

Step 2: MUSIC! Have you ever heard of BYOB (bring your own b33r)? Well, whatever party you attend you need to remember BYOM (bring your own music). With that being said, the only music you should listen to is 3OH3 because those jams are original and fresh and funky and if you don't listen to them then you are totes LAME SAUCE!!! Bring your 3OH3 cd with you! So, as soon as you get to the party, march over to the dude with the biggest muscles and demand he plays your 3OH3 cd and then punch him in square the face. Don't worry about him trying to fight you after the punch, once he sees you in that 3OH3 varsity jacket... he will respect you and prob give you a French kiss or tug job or a high five at the very least!

Step 3: PICK UP LINES! You want to fuck a girl (or guy) tonight? Sure you do. All you need to do is walk up to a fat bitch and spit her some romantic poetry. Here is the best line to use:

"Shush girl shut your lips, do the Hellen Keller and talk with your hips."

She will most likely share her drugs with you (ecstasy) and ride your junk right in the middle of the dance floor. Sex on x? Mission accomplished, bro-seph!

In other news, I wanted to sincerely thank 3OH3 for their music. They are the best in the world. I hope they just keep getting bigger and bigger. I hope they go on tour with Bruce Springsteen or Bon Jovi (insert livin' on a prayer lolz).

In other OTHER news, who do you think is the best band in NJ HISTORY? Bruce Springsteen, Bon Jovi, The Years Gone By or The Mongoloids? Hmmm. That is a hard one. Get at us via Twitter (@fuckthatband) and fuckin' tell us!!!!

Set Your Goals sneakers? Now I think I have seen it all. Do you want to run faster? Do you want to jump higher? Do you want to score more ON and OFF the court? If you answered YES to at least one of those questions, you should NOT WEAR THESE SHOES!!! They will make you even MORE LAME than you ALREADY ARE!!!

Who... the... FUCK... would ever want to wear sneakers that say Set Your Goals on them?

Not me.

"Whoa, what is that smell?! Did someone step in dog shit?!"

Nope. No one did. That smell is coming from that kid over there who is wearing those Set Your Goals sneakers. No matter how clean those sneakers are, they will FOREVER smell like dog shit (or dog piss at the very least). Just sayin'

In other news, those weird toe shoe things, they are called FiveFingers Shoes. Google that shit so you can order a pair and FUCKIN OWN THE MOSH PIT!!!

Hey guyz and dollz! Thanks for checking out my awesome blog and shit. Ok, here is a "props" post. I gotta sometimes give "props" and "big ups" to my boyz in Set Your Goals. Generic jumping picture... Great... Just... Great... I HAVE NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE. Kewl points!

I am kinda bummed though that only 2 of them are wearing shorts :-( The others are wearing pants. Pants are not sexy, yo. Total bummer but I guess pants DOOOOO leave more to the imagination :-) Wink wink insert clit boner here.

I wonder if the members wearing pants have hairy legs or smooth legs?? But for realsies though, smooth legs are SO IN RIGHT NOW. You have no idea how bad I want to Bic all of their legs using my bare teeth and make them silky smooth. I would floss with their leg hair. I would floss with their upper leg hair and hope that it was their pubes. I would "jam out" to their amazingly AMAZING "Mutinty!" album while gettin' my floss on.

P.S. I'm so horny. Hit me up on StickAM if u wanna see me do naughty/gross shitttttt.

The Rosaline show on Saturday night was fucking sick. If you weren't there, you might as well take all those pills you've been stealing from your grandmom.

The lead singer was all, "LET'S GET A FUCKING CIRCLE PIT GOING GUYZ!!!" And so I gave some chick a bloody nose and then I fell and then someone picked me up by the back of my shirt because it's all about brotherhood in the pit ya know, YA GOTTA watch out for one another in there!!! UNITY!

THEN the lead singer jumped off the stage and landed right on top of me. And I realized that he doesn't just use Elmer's Glue to keep his AWESOME hair up straight like that, he uses an actual porcupine!! Sitting on top of his head! (shhhhh don't tell PETA) The needles stabbed my face and arms and there was blood EVERYWHERE. SOOOOOooooo PUNK!!!

Now I'm in the hospital and my stupid parents are saying that I have to get them surgically removed. WTF! IT'S MY BODY AND I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT TO IT!! I'm waiting til 3am and then I'm going to RUN FOR IT. I AM PUNK. FUCK YOU. (insert RANCID lyrics here, plz)

Fuck! Fuck! I am so pissed right now! I have to get this off my chest.

I was totally shopping today on Equalvision.com looking for a new Fall of Troy belt, Chiodos hoodie or a Sky Eats Airplane CD. (Just kidding! Who buys CDs anymore! I steal dat shit from the internet! UP THE PUNX!)

Anyway I saw that this band called CIV named their new record "Set Your Goals." They totally stole the album name from my favorite punk hardcore straightedge grindcore ska band called Set Your Goals. Damm, Set Your Goals has been a band WAYYYYY before CIV so I just think it is sooooooo rude that CIV would steal their name like that. No respect. What the hell! I'm so pissed. I can't wait until I'm 16 so I can drive to a CIV show just to kick their A$$!

P.S. Thank God no one has taken any names from The Misfits.

Dear Set Your Goals,

I hate it when you guys say "If you know the words to this song, sing along!" No I don't know the words to your song and if I did know the words to it, I would totally hate myself forever because you guys suck so hard.

Just sayin'

U MAD?

Ok, gotta go cry my eyes out because I heard Have Heart is breaking up. LOL LOL LOL!!!!

Love,
FuckThatBand.com

Huge congrats to my boys in A Loss For Words. They sold a grand total of 4 cds so far! I am so pumped for them. A+ Jams!

P.S. Sick Have Heart shirt braaaaaa. But seriously dawg, you shoulda wore your Mongoloids shirt instead cuz Mongoz got more $treet cred. UR MOSHIN'

+100 Scene Points

This polar bear heard that you were a fan of Set Your Goals so he was all like OH HELLL NAAAAAA and now he is trying to come in and bite you cuz you listen to bad music.