What is that smell? Did I step in dog shit? Let me check my shoes. Nope, no dog shit there. Something is really stanking up my trendy studio apartment.

OH WOW!!! I KNOW WHAT IT IS!!! The thing that is making my apartment smell like dead babies/ Taco Bell/ burning tires/ gasoline/ Liz Claiborne cologne/ etc is the latest Cobra Starship CD that is sitting on my phat ass IKEA kitchen table. Their new release, it smells terrible. What do I do??? Wait, I have an idea... FEBREZE!!! My mom gave me some Febreze and she totally raves about it. She says it is the only thing that can make her vagina stop smelling like a horse farm.

Ok, here I go! (SPRAY SPRAY SPRAY!)

Ugh!!!! I sprayed Febreze Extra Strength Odor Eliminator all over the CD and it still smells horrendous!!! Fuck this!!!

Big fuck you to Cobra Starship for ruining my apartment. I think I am going to light my apartment on fire. I am going to watch it burn. Who needs a place to live, anyway? Having a home is overrated. I want to be more punk rock. Real punks don't have a home. I would rather just be homeless and creepy. I would rather just spend my days over at my local library being a creep and reading creepy books. Then, after they kick me out of the library, I would just walk over to my local Apple Store. That is the location where I can log onto the internet and look at p0rn. Looking at pur-no in a public setting is such an UBER turn on. Bill Gates would approve, right? That is why he invented Apple Stores.

P.S. Midtown iz kewl.