I am pretty bummed. All my friends have girlfriends and I am the only dude who doesn't. Fuck. You wanna know the worst part... I don't have enough cash to get a membership to Match.com or eHarmony. Here is my idea, I am going to post about my "dream" girl right here in hopes that she will find this post and email me.

My "perfect" girl is the following:

- You have to have a tramp stamp of a butterfly or a heart. Lower back tats are seriously so hot!!!1!

- You have to listen to Racing Kites because that band is soo0oo fuckin' kewl and only kewl chicks listen to Racing Kites (bonus points if you have a Racing Kites back tattoo!)

- You have to smoke w33d at least 10 times an hour.

- You have to drive a sick ass dodge neon.

- You have to be into WWE Monday Night Raw (bonus points if you are into UFC shit too)

- When you get CRUNK with your LAY-DEEZ, you have to kiss them CUZ GURLZ WHO KISS OTHER GIRLS ARE TOTES HAWT!!!

If this sounds like you, please email me ASAP so I can get you PREGGO and we can make a FaceBook page for the fetus way before it is born because we are trashy classy like that. Cool? I just wanna meet a nice chick we will watch The Gingerbread Man movie with me.