Did you hear that new Crime in Stereo release? I did. It sucks. Ever since I heard it, my dick has been limp as fuck. I just cannot get a boner anymore. It is like my dick turned into a pile of macaroni and cheese.

Dear Crime in Stereo,

Your music turned my dick into a pile of macaroni and cheese. What should I do?

Ok d00dz, gotta bounce, Chef Rams Me Kitchen Nightmares is on. Peace!!!!

Love,
FuckThatBand.com

Hello readers and welcome to the most powerful music blog on the internet. FuckThatBand.com in the hizzy! Are you enjoying your stay on FuckThatBand.com? We hope so! Time to get chatty about music; here we go!!!!

Justin Bieber. Who is he? Well ladies, he is an uber cute Canadian punk rock singer, who has stolen the hearts of every young girl on the globe! He is really good at moshing and screaming into a microphone. He really knows how to get everyone's rock and roll sticks hard as hell. Na mean?

The Icarus Account. Who are they? Well ladies, they are an uber lame punk rock acoustic guitar band, who has stolen the hearts of no one on the globe! They might look like Justin Bieber, but don't let those looks fool you. They don't know a thing about PUNK RAWK!!! Mr. Bieber, on the other hand, practically invented punk rawk. LONG LIVE THE BIEBER!!!!

Ok readers, time to jump back into the mosh pit. We will keep you updated on all the latest trends in punk rawk. Keep your dial tuned to FuckThatBand.com yo! PEACEE!

Dear Waldo,

I'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR 3 YEARS AND I FINALLY FIND YOU CHILLIN WITH SOME HIPSTERS WATCHING NETFLIX? WTF?!?? HOW COME YOU HAVE NOT BEEN ANSWERING YOUR PHONE!!! HOW COME YOU DON'T TEXT ME BACK!!! FUCK!!!!!

Who is this band you are hanging with now? Oh! They are called The Narrative??? I never heard of them before. Way to go on banging the one hot chick in the band, tho. I do have to give you a HIGH FIVE for that. Her bangs are emo-sweet. She iz so0o pretty. And it's cool that you found someone who will let you use your dildo cane on her during Netflix night.

Wait, you actually joined The Narrative? Waldo, I didn't even know you knew how to play music. I thought you just liked to travel and hide and shit like that. FUCK! I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU ANYMORE, MAN!!!

Actually, I'm sorry I yelled, Waldo. You can make shitty music in a wannabe indie band and cane-bang the members while watching Netflix if you want. So... we cool? Aight. Thanks. Black Berry message me later or some shit. Peace.

Love,
FuckThatBand.com

Can we chat about the awesome band called I See Stars? I See Stars? More like I See Orange Girls. I am not sure, should I start a band and have orange girls in my photo shoot? Should one of the orange girls have dolla dolla billz yall in the bottoms of her bikini? Would this be the right direction for my band? How can I find the right direction for my band? My mom tells me that the best place to find direction would be to visit Mapquest.com. I want my band to be bigger than MapQuest.com. Would orange girls make my band bigger than MapQuest.com?

Do you like MapQuest.com? I don't. To the creators of MapQuest.com (I know you are reading this epic post), you idiots should really just start your directions on #6. I am pretty sure I know how to get out of my fuckin driveway/neighborhood.

Ok, gotta go. I am late for my spray tanning appointment and shit. Holler at me later on FaceBook or something. Or maybe you can see where I am at on foursquare or gowalla. Fuckin web 2.0 social networking! Later hoes.

Click HERE for another I See Stars post. Mwah!

Gallows. OMG. I want to get a palm tattoo. I almost got a matching palm tattoo with my mom but then SUPER LAST SECOND she and I decided to get matching pussy clit rings. I kinda regret not getting the palm tattoo now that I see that some dude in Gallows has one. Dammit.

Maybe I will just get a palm tattoo next year for my birthday. My dad said he would get me whatever I wanted for my 18th birthday and he always calls me daddy's little princess. Let me give him a call and ask him if I can get a palm tattoo next year.

(30 MINUTES LATER)

Ok, he and I talked it over and he mentioned that he was a bit jealous about how me and mom have matching puss rings so dad and I decided to get matching dick rings.

I heard getting a dick ring hurts so0o0o0o0o much but I think I can handle the pain. I think the real hard part will be letting it heal... I might have to quick jerking off for a few weeks after. That will be almost impossible because every time Gallows pops up on my iPad, I cannot help but jerk furiously. I don't know. I might have to handcuff my hands to my bed or something. Anyone know where I can buy handcuffs??????

UGH!!! Being a girl is so00o0 hard. Bleh.

In other news, CLICK HERE FOR ANOTHER GALLOWS POST. You are welcome, suckas.

Oh. I like this band. They are called Danger is My Middle Name. If "danger" is their middle name, then "shitty" is their first name and "fuckin' blows" is their last name.

Check this band out, they FUCKIN R00L!!1! Not sure how it is possible that they are unsigned. Weird. The music industry is weird as fugg!!1!!! Attention record labels reading this... sign this band. You will make zillions and billions of dollars. Your label could be huge if you sign them. Your label could be even more successful than Chili's Grill & Bar. (mmmm baby back ribz)

Open question to the band called Danger is My Middle Name... Do you like Chill's or are you d00dz more into da Olive Gardenz0rz? Why?

We just had a FuckThatBand.com meeting at "the oh garden." That place is seriously classy. Kinda wish I wore a pair of khaki slacks instead of my Cheap Monday Tight Fit Overdyed Black Jeans from Urban Outfitters.

Did you know that Olive Garden has unlimited pasta!?!?!?! OMG. Also, kudos to the peen-shaped b'sticks. I had a boner. The waitress was all like "o i see that your b'stick basket is empty... do you guyz want more b'sticks?" and then we were all like "bitch, keep those b'sticks cummin' all fuckin night long you hoe bag!!!" You should never be asked if you want/need more b'sticks when you run out, it should always be an automatic given. Amirite?

Oh shit, hold on! Gotta go run to the store! I ran out of black nail polish! Don't you hate it when that happens??? GOD DAY-UMM!!!

Are you in the mood to listen to a band with loud guitars and a girl lead singer what sounds just like a velociraptor dinosaur? We present to you Rolo Tomassi.

Do you need us to be more specific on how their music sounds? Ok... well... their music sounds like Burger King. Is that good enough?

Remember that time last week when you were watching TV at 4am and then you saw that LOL Burger King commercial and it got you all sorts of "CRAY-ZEE HUNGRY" for a Whopper Junior? And then remember when you drove to that 24 hour BK across town and you purchased 20 dollars worth of Whopper Juniors? And then you ate them all in the matter of 30 minutes. And then you threw up blood and snot for 8 hours straight? Yea... listening to Rolo Tomassi might do that to you, too. Just saying.

Zing zing.