Oh man, Xmas is over. So pissed. I got the worst presents in the history of presents!!! Baby Jesus would not approve of the CRAP I got this year. Mom, I hope you are reading this fucking blog because I need you to know that you "just don't get me" and I don't think you ever will!!! GAWD!!!!

Things Mom got me that I hated:

1. City and Colour CD - mom, this band is straight up hippie garbage shit. I want to take this guys acoustic guitar and smash it over dads head because he apparently "suggested" to you to get me this CD. What could possibly be worse than a City and Colour CD?!?!?! Wait... I guess the answer to that is an Alexisonfire cd.

2. Taking Back Sunday shirt - shit mom, it isn't 2003!!! No one listens to TBS anymore, god, all the kids in school are going to make fun of me if you make me wear that shirt!!!

3. Hugo Boss Cologne - mom, I wanted Michael Jordan Cologne you bitch! You knew that!! Now I will never be able to dunk a B-Ball, shit! You suck mom.

4. Ugg Boots - these fuckin boots make me look like Mega Man and I hated that video game almost as much as I hate that TBS shirt.

5. Hess Toy Tuck - what am I fuckin 8 years old mom?!?!?! I got news for you bitch, I am 15 years old, not 8!!!!!!! JESUSSSSS!!!! Take this toy back to Hess and exchange it for a gallon of gas, give me the gas, let me pour it all over my presents. Let me take a match to the crap. Then let me watch it burn. While the presents are burning I will be using my lame Beavis and Butt-Head voice and I will say "Heh heh heh yea fire fire fire heh heh heh fire rules heh heh heh."

P.S. Mom, is it okay if I sleep over Tommy's house for his New Years Eve party. Are their going to be girls at the party? I don't know! Wait, why do you want Tommy's moms phone number?? Never mind, forget about it. I'll just stay home on new years god I hate you FUCKK THISSS.

The holidays are here and we are just about done with 2008. It is that time of year again, time for every idiot music site out there to release their top 10 from the past 365 days (who cares, yo). We are no different than those assholes (we are trendy nerdz); the following is OURRRR top 10 releases of 2008. We do it a bit different here though; these are the 10 releases from 2008 that made us contemplate punching the shit out of a huge bee hive because getting stung by 1,000+ bees is a better feeling than listening to the following releases from 2008:

10. Dear and the Headlights - Drunk Like Bible Times
09. Houston Calls - The End of an Error...
08. The Morning Light - The Morning Light
07. Anberlin - New Surrender
06. Hey Monday - Hold On Tight
05. The Years Gone By - Forever Comes Too Soon
04. Fall of Troy - Phantom of the Horizon
03. MGMT - Oracular Spectacular
02. Artist Vs Poet - Artist Vs Poet
01. Forever the Sickest Kids - Underdog Alma Mater

Those releases, oh man, I would rather have my ball sack stung by a million bees than listen to the albums on that list again.

Wait, scratch that, I would rather have the bees rip open my ball sack with their stingers, enter my ball sack, and sting my actual balls a zillion times. Fuck, that sounds more appealing than listening to those tunes on that top 10 list. Can't wait until 2009.

A moment of silence for my boys in Phantom Planet since they broke up a few weeks back. (insert cricket noises) Ok, now serious question, do you think these guys called each other up last night to see what everyone was wearing? Look, they're wearing the same shirts. What girls. Girls do stuff like that. Do you think their period schedules are synced up too, or no? Do you think they will all get preggo together??? Will the members breast feed the babies or will they just do regular milk??? I heard breast feeding is better for da babyz. I wonder what does Phantom Planet breast milk taste like... a vanilla milkshake?!??!?!

Califoooooooorrrnnniaaaa. Here we CUM!!! Get it? I typed CUM instead of COME. I am tricky as fuck. But let me get honest for a second. I'd rather watch all 4 seasons and 92 episodes of the OC than listen to one second of Phantom Planet. Although they made the OC theme song so I guess I'd be screwed either way. Fuck.

All this typing is making me thirsty, off to get a vanilla milkshake from Burger King. When I talk to the person at the cash register, I will just tell them I want a medium Phantom Planet Breast Milkshake. They will know what I mean, right?!!?!?!?!?! YoUr WaY RiGhT AwAy. The king knows wuz up. Fuck Ronald (ba da da da da im hatin' it), it is all about da king in 2k9.

Everyone keeps chatting about a hardcore band from the UK (where?). They are called Bring Me the Horizon. Should I be a proper gentleman and give them a listen? Or should I continue to watch Degrassi on TV?!?!?! Fuck. So many decisions in life! McDonalds or Burger King, Coke or Pepsi, midget porn or weird anime porn? Hmmmm. Ok, fine. You convinced me, I will give them a listen. Here I go.

The band is called Bring Me the Horizon, please change your name. How about BRING ME THE GOOD MUSIC? These dudes sound worse than Every Time I Die (is that possible?). Have you ever seen that WILL IT BLEND video on youtube where the people put an iPhone in a blender to see if it will get destroyed? Well, the noise the blender makes, that is what the band sounds like.

In other news, I cannot believe that Kermit the Frog would join this band. Jim Henson would NOT approve of this move.

Dear Surge Soda,

Miss you so much. We haven't talked in years, figured I'd write you a letter to let you know how shit is going.

Ever since you left us, planet Earth has turned to hell, omgz global warming, all the ice is melting, da polar bears are crying hard as hellll. But that news is NOTHING compared to how bad da music "scene" has been since you bounced. We now have bands like The Maine, 3oh!3, Family Force 5, Hit The Lights, and A Rocket To The Moon. Lyke, gag me with a sp00000n. kjdskjfdskjdsj (that wuz me throwing up on my Macbeth shoez)

Are all these shitty bands around because the human race just gave up all hope since Surge Soda left us? Maybe global warming is happening because of all of the shitty music sound waves that are trapped within the earths atmosphere and stuffzzz.

I am scared for 2009. Will Obama save us from da music? Will Obama start a band? Will his self titled 7inch go for 500 euro on ebay? Will his vinyl be limited edition hand numbered from 1 to 69. LOL at 69, obama is so funny for picking the number 69. Obama, you go boy!

In closing, Surge Soda, please get at Obama (send him a TXT message or some shit) and ask him to bring you back, this world needs you and your citrus explosion of flavor. Jus sayin'

Sincerely,
FuckThatBand.com Staff

Shit man. Panic at the Disco. Love it. I got nuthin but much love for this band right heer, for these peeps I just got mad love, homey. Props. Crazy ill props. Things I also like: the government, getting punched in the face with a huge dildo, and YO GABBA GABBA. Panic at the Disco be off the hook. Or the chain. I'm never sure which one it is. Maybe both. I chimed in with a haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door no. So good. So so good.

Just kidding. Fuck that band. The only way I would ever start listening to them is if one of the monsters from YO GABBA GABBA joined them. Then shit would be rocking hard as hell. Until the monster joins, I will not listen. Shaaaa braaaaaa.

My momma always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." Well, I'll tell you what you are going to get when you listen to The Real You, you are going to get a serious head ache and you are going to feel extremely uncomfortable.

But lets give The Real You some credit, these bros are totally authentic. They are trend setters. They are ALWAYS thinking outside the box! For example, check out their promo picture: they are sitting on the park bench THE WRONG WAY!!! Their buttz should be where their feetz are!!! Holy shit man!!! I never thought to try that!!! Havent they seen Forest Gump? Tom Hanks sits on the bench in that movie the RIGHT WAY but now The Real You comes along and they totally redefine the way we sit on park benches!!! They are doing it backwards!!!

Maybe doing shit backwards will be "HOT" in 2009? Should I start wearing my clothes backwards like Kriss Kross??? Should I eat more stuffed crust pizza from Pizza Hut so I can "eat my pizza the wrong way?" If I do all this will The Real You love me??? Will they let me be their merch guy on tour?!?!?!